BON HIVER!

I've been re-watching one of my all-time favorite TV shows, Northern Exposure, lately. I find that I enjoy shows where I learn something. I would like to share two lessons learned.
The first has to do with the title of this blog. Bon hiver means happy winter in French. As the first snow falls, the people of Cicely, Alaska gather to watch and rejoice and wish each other a bon hiver. Unfortunately, there is no snow in San Jose; however, what we who live in NorCal get to experience that those who are bundled up for the cold don't is the constant blooming of flowers. There are still big, beautiful roses and even morning glories in the midst of what is usually considered a season of hibernation. The resilience of these flowers still amazes me. I do miss that first snowfall, but seeing tiny purple blossoms on a chilly morning is a welcome trade.
The second lesson is a more personal one. Often, on the show, there is a moral to be learned and it is usually related to an Indian legend. My favorite is the legend of the Eagle spirit.

Marilyn, a Tlingit Indian, tells this story:
The eagle wasn't always the eagle.
The eagle, before he became the eagle, was Ukatangi, the talker.
Ukatangi talked and talked. It talked so much, it heard only itself.
Not the river, not the wind, not even the wolf.
The raven came and said, "The wolf is hungry. If you stop talking, you will hear him. The wind, too.
And when you hear the wind, you will fly."
So he stopped talking.
And became it's nature, the eagle.
The eagle soared, and it's flight said all it needed to say.

I feel that I've learned a great deal over this past year, but one of the most important lessons was to try to listen more. It's interesting that, when I am quiet, people assume that there is something wrong. No, there isn't anything wrong. I'm just trying to find my wings.

a lesson revisited

It's been a while. To be honest, I haven't had much to say that wasn't really depressing. Sometimes I hate this time of year for all it's 'meaning' and shit. If you work in retail or any service profession, you will come to realize a great deal about human nature. And the true meaning of Christmas. It's all about ME. Not me, mind you. I'm talking about the majority of humankind I've come in contact with these past few days. I've had people interrupt me, time how long I can help them, and treat me like shit because I couldn't read their minds. I have one more day to be subjected to rude, impatient assholes and then I can have a break. I'm not saying that after tomorrow I won't encounter any at all. It's just amazing how 'the most wonderful time of the year' can bring out the most despicable behavior. That's why I'm grateful for my family. I feel that we get what's really important right now. We know that it isn't about the presents. Because each of us has spent time away from 'home', we understand how important sharing is. And not sharing big expensive things you may never use. I mean sharing laughter and memories and good simple times. Despite what I said in an earlier blog about my problems when I'm with them, I have had the most fun with my family and some of the best memories are from this time of year. Here are but a few of them:

• baking all the cookies and making enormously elaborate ginger bread houses with Mom
  
• trying to stay up to see if animals really do talk at midnight on Christmas
  
• waiting with my sisters until it was time to go downstairs
• waking up our parents, and then waiting for them to get up so we could open presents
• all the great food
• playing games
  
• And laughing-that's one thing my family has always been good at

I really do miss them this time of year, but I always have all those great memories if I can't be with them to make new ones. I want to thank each of them for all the good times we've had and a hope that we will have many more in the future.

AH, FLORIDA...

So I'm enjoying the news at my favorite news source, Fark, when I realize something. If you go to the sight, you'll see that every story is lead by a heading, such as 'stupid', 'interesting', 'dumbass', and so forth. I wasn't the least surprised to see that Florida is a category all it's own. If you live there as long as I have, you'll understand why.
I thought, for shits and giggles and because I really have nothing else to blog about, I'd share some of the stories. So fasten your seatbelt cuz here comes the hilarity:

• Doctor discovers man's chest pains the result of having Jesus trapped in his ribcage. Trust me, Floridians can see the image of Jesus in anything.
• One man shot, one plastic snowman decapitated after neighborly argument in... wait for it... all together now... Florida. Doesn't this time of year bring out the best in people? My favorite line in this story..."it is rumored that a snowman was decapitated."
  
• Mother shocked, SHOCKED, to find out her precious snowflake does the same things she does. With the same guy. But no where in the article does it say she's shocked that her 13 year-old daughter's screen name is SexiMarie 123.
• You've just robbed a bank. Do you A) try to run far, far away, B) hide until things have settled down, or C) stop for hair extensions and a manicure? I have nothing to say about this one. It speaks for itself.
• The winner of the ugliest house in America is in Florida... was there a doubt? It's no shock when Disney has this building for Team Disney.

You can read the actual articles by going to Fark and following the links, but why bother. The headlines leave just enough of a bad taste to steer you away. Now do you understand how, after spending 18 years in Florida, I get utterly bored with any other news?

CHANGE IS GOOD?

So my roommate of a year informed me recently that she is moving. And I'm getting a little anxious. I posted on craigslist and even had a few promising responses, but no follow through yet. I found out this morning that the room will be vacant after next weekend. My roommate will be paying for her share of this month's rent, so I don't have to really freak out...yet. I was hoping I'd hear something from the few nibbles I've had, but no. I just emailed them to update the situation, so keep your fingers crossed for me.
I have to admit, I would love to live on my own again. It just doesn't seem possible here in the valley. I've also been tossing around the idea of moving on again for a while now, but I haven't given it any serious thought as I was under the impression I would be staying a little longer. I do have some money saved up and with the deposit I would get back, I could swing it. I'm just not sure where I'd go next. I guess, with all the junk rattling in my brain, the idea of disappearing has once again become enticing. I just don't know if I really want to start all over so soon.
So here are a few quotes on change that I found that perhaps I need to absorb. I'm also open to any advice, so feel free to send it my way.

• The dogmas of the quiet past are inadequate to the stormy present. The occasion is piled high with difficulty, and we must rise with the occasion. As our case is new, so we must think anew and act anew. Abraham Lincoln

• It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power. Alan Cohen

• Life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death. Anais Nin

• It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change. Charles Darwin
  

HOW TO BE DEAD

Snow Patrol never ceases to amaze me. I love the lyrics to this song.




Please don't go crazy, if I tell you the truth
No you don't know what happened
And you never will if
You don't listen to me while I talk to the wall
This blanket is freezing, it's been out in the hall
Where you've had me for hours
Till I'm sure what I want
But darling I want the same thing that I wanted before
So sweetheart tell me what's up I won't stop no way

Please keep your hands down
And stop raising your voice
It's hardly what I'd be doing if you gave me a choice
It's a simple suggestion can you give me sometime
So just say yes or no
Why can't you shoulder the blame
Coz both my shoulders are heavy
From the weight of us both
You're a big boy now so let's not talk about growth
You've not heard a single word I have said...
Oh, my God

Please take it easy it can't all be my fault
I haven't made half the mistakes
That you've listed so far
Oh baby let me explain something
It's all down to drugs
At least I remember taking them and not a lot else
It seems I've stepped over lines
You've drawn again and again
But if the ecstacy's in the wit is definitely out
Dr. Jekyll is wrestling Hyde for my pride

THE TRUTH, THE WHOLE TRUTH, AND NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH?

• truth: the true or actual state of the matter; conformity with fact or reality; verity.
• reporter: a person employed to gather and report news, as for a newspaper, wire service, or television station.

I recently watched a very interesting documentary called Weapons of Mass Deception. It was very enlightening for several reasons. The director, Danny Schechter, is a media critic. That means he analyzes how journalists and news agencies report the news. In this film he scrutinizes how the Iraq war was covered, from 9/11 until 2004, when the film was released. I'll be honest, I'm not naive when it comes to news. I have known for a long time that the business of reporting news is just that-a business. For some time, the focus has been on the bottom line. How much can we make off this war, or this natural disaster, or this trial? Although there were many specific things, like the alleged attacks on journalists by American troops (more on that in a moment), I didn't know about, there really wasn't any smoking gun revealed in this movie. Let's face it, hindsight is 20/20 and if we (as Americans) are honest, we are as culpable for the lack of unbiased news that we watched. We wanted to see the nighttime bombing of Baghdad. We did not want to see the civilian casualties of our cluster bombs. We were hungry for an enemy and when our government pointed the finger at Saddam Hussein, we breathed a unified 'go get him!' They fed us the bait and we took it. Then they reeled us in. 'They' being a combination of the media, the military, and our government. So did Mr. Schechter wow me with unprecedented revelations? No. Should this film be watched? Absolutely, now and again in 2 years, and another 2 years, and another, and another. We need to be reminded of what went wrong and why.
But just as Schechter points to a lack of bias by news agencies during the war, we should try to be as unbiased as possible when watching this film. Case in point-the afore mentioned 'attack' on journalists. The film shows footage taken by reporters of an American tank firing on a hotel that was known to be housing said reporters. The military stated, at the time, that the battalion was fired upon by someone in that region and they were acting in self-defense. The film makers ask you to listen and recognize that there are no shots heard prior to the attack. And this is true, you can't hear anything; however, the footage shown is edited! The tank is first shown with it's gun aimed away. The film cuts to an interview with a survivor. When the edit comes back to the footage, the gun is now aimed directly at the hotel. I'll admit, I'm not a military advisor, but I don't think the gun on a tank can move in a flash. So where is the footage of the tank's gun aiming at the hotel? And what does it show? The fact is that the footage, as shown, is terrifying. I can't imagine what it's like to watch as a 120mm gun fires directly at me, but I have an idea after watching the film. So was the truth of that incident shown? I'm not sure. After thinking about what I had seen, I don't think so. The fact is I wasn't presented with a completely unbiased view of what happened. That footage was edited to evoke a specific response and it was successful.
So what is the truth? I've been thinking a great deal about 'truth' lately. What I believe is that the truth lies in between either side of a story. It is human nature to interpret things, but what is often lacking is the gathering of facts from both sides. That was the failure of the American public during this war. We let our emotions drive our judgements and now we want answers from the people we feel duped us. Let's face it folks, we duped ourselves!

I TRIED, BUT I CAN'T EXPLAIN IT

Tonight was a beautiful night, so I decided to drive up the hill to look at the stars. Unfortunately, the full moon created a lot of light pollution, so there weren't as many visible stars as I would have liked. I was leaning against my car when I noticed a star that seemed to be flickering differently than the others. I have watched the night sky several times and know that stars 'twinkle.' If you're interested in knowing why here is an explanation as to why. The article says that stars often 'twinkle' different colors. That is what initially drew my attention to this star. Most stars that I have observed might vary between different shades of yellow or blue; however, this star flashed (for lack of a better word) from blue to green to orange to red and back to blue. There was no pattern as to what colors flashed or when either.
The article also seems to explain the next thing that caught my eye-that stars appear to move. It does not explain the movement that I KNOW I saw. Once I decided to watch this 'star' more closely, I sat down in my car and stayed very still. There were power lines spanning across my field of vision, so I used them as a point of reference. It took a few moments for it to make any apparently outrageous motions. At first it only appeared to be moving across the sky at a steady pace, so I decided that it must be a satellite. Then it changed direction, ever so slightly at first then more dramatically. It did so many incredible maneuvers (that's what it looked like) that I started to eliminate options for what I was watching.

• It wasn't a satellite: satellites, although they can visibly move across the sky, tend to stay on a specific course (even when they're crashing into the ground),
• It was not a plane: no matter how it's flying, planes will move across the sky; unless it was some kind of Harrier or helicopter,
• In general, any aircraft can only stay in one spot for so long: I watched this thing for close to an hour; it moved a lot, but never any closer or farther away and it never moved great distances across the sky,
• The movements it made were too extreme to be a normal aircraft: I thought that perhaps it was someone learning to fly a helicopter (night experience, maybe), but it began to do more and more outlandish things,

So what kind of crazy movements did it make? It would accelerate quickly and stop immediately. Then change direction and do the same thing. A couple of times, it appeared to zig-zag three or four times. It did what I call a 'butterfly' turn. In a small airplane, it is when the craft starts low and flies steeply, turning at the top of the turn until is coming back down and then doing the same on the other side. Looking down, it might look like the plane is drawing a butterfly pattern; whereas, looking from the side it would look like a 'U'. That is the motion I saw. It did what looked like either a loop or a barrel roll, but it was too fast for a helicopter. And the craziest motion it made was what I would call leap-frogging or hopping. That is exactly the motion it made: hop, hop, hop. It did this several times. I've watched several helicopter videos, but saw nothing like this. During all this time, I maintained the power lines as a reference.
What, then, did I see? I don't know. I tried every logical explanation I could think of, and then it would do something even more radical. All I know is what I saw and it was not anything I can explain. I don't expect anyone to believe that I saw a UFO (I'm not even sure), but I would hope that those of you who know me would believe that I'm telling the truth, that I was not under the influence of anything, and you wouldn't try to be discouraging or condescending.
I know that what I saw, be it earthly or otherwise, was amazing and inexplicable and I am excited by that.

HOLIDAY IDENTITY THEFT

I want to start this blog off by asserting that I love my family. And any comments made in this blog are not to be taken as my attempt to blame anyone else for the person I am.
That being said...
Holidays. It's the time of year where we gather with our family whether we want to or not. Some people, myself included, don't mind being around people who share a similar gene pool. I am fortunate to have some really cool people in my herd. But I still find that there is a hesitation on my part to spend too much time with them. There is an angst that begins in the pit of my stomach that I cannot control. Again, let me reiterate my statement above. This is NOT caused by any one individual. But it always bothers me. I am not young anymore. Although I still have some insecurities, I think I have a firm grasp of who I am and express it competently in social circles. Except for this one. Around my family I tend to melt into the background. I don't speak much and frequently feel that what I may have to say isn't interesting/intelligent enough for them to hear. And for those of you who know me, this must come as a surprise. Jami, biting her tongue? Choosing not to say anything? Bet some of you would like to hang out with me and my family now, huh?
This behavior has perplexed me since I first noticed it. I think that was when I was living in Florida and only saw my family once a year. I began to notice the anxiety that would begin to swell and would even externalize itself toward my sisters, where the competition for attention can be great. My mother noticed it, too and we've talked about it several times. The me that sat in front of them was not the me I knew any other day.
The other day I was watching an episode of Northern Exposure and one of the characters addressed this very issue. He questioned whether a person's identity is a constant. Or whether who we are is directly influenced by who we are with. It was a fascinating query and I've thought about it even more now that I'm facing another holiday meal with family. I can't speak for anyone else, but for me, the answer is definitely yes. Personality traits that I have with one person may diminish or be completely suppressed when I'm with someone else. I will say that, in general, this is only really apparent with my family. Perhaps it's because I'm the youngest daughter. Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that my family is very strong-willed, intelligent and persevering. And that makes me question my own strength and determination. I am very proud to say they are my family. But I still find myself melding into the scenery.
So, hear we go. Another family gathering to go to. One plus about this one is that this side of my family doesn't know me as well. Perhaps that will allow me to be more myself. We shall see.

ALL THE NEWS THAT'S FIT TO PRINT
WELL...MAYBE NOT

Generally, I don't like reading the news. It either is too depressing or it just pisses me off; however, I have found a news source that I honestly enjoy reading. Fark is a great site for news that you don't normally see. Some are informative, others are scary or disturbing, and still others are just plain hilarious. I thought I'd share a few items I found recently. Hope you enjoy them, too.

• Man shoots goat after wife wouldn't bring him beer In some Southern counties, she could be divorced for that, perhaps even jailed.
• Welsh villagers want to change the name of a street because it translates to "Masturbation Meadow" Yeah, that'll keep the kids from parking!
• Brits fancy having sex with metalwork. (with pic of the sexy, sexy fence) Don't knock it 'til you try it, I always say.
• Preteen takes a stab at changing his older brother's TV-viewing habits Insert obvious comment about violence on television here.
• High Speed Chase For Diaper Thieves The Coen brothers are suing for copyright infringement.
• Wal-Mart stock clerk gets hit by 18 wheeler. Family sue trucking company and get $800k. Wal-Mart says the money belongs to them As if we needed another reason to hate that damned company!

I could go on forever. Check out the Fark link for lots more fascinating stories. And send me your favorites.

SEARCHING FOR A NEW PATH

I found out yesterday that my roommate will be moving out at the end of December. I'm really bummed about it. We meshed really well. Neither of us got into this situation for any other reason than to help each other out. That's not to say that we didn't grow closer. I might even go so far as to say that we became friends, but that wasn't something that had to happen. It was just a nice bonus. So now I'm trying to decide what to do. I would really like to live alone again, but I don't see that as a possibility in this city. And I would really like to stay in this apartment. For all it's faults (paper thin walls and floor, single-paned windows, screaming kids as neighbors) I do like it here. I have a lot to think about over the next few weeks, since I have to give my landlord 30 days notice if I'm going to leave. I'm open to any help/suggestions out there. Or just send some good mojo my way.
On the plus side-I will start training the new music manager next week. Am looking forward to getting back on the floor. I really miss talking up good books with people. That's not to say that I don't enjoy talking about music or movies, but that damned music department is so confining! I gotta be free!
What else is going on, you ask? Well, I made plans to visit a friend in LA, but they were nixed since I have to save cash now. I've been watching some pretty bad horror movies at Horrorfest, but more about those later perhaps. I finally read a few classics: Catcher In The Rye, Old Man and the Sea, and am finishing One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. Again, I will blog more later about those. I'm also reading a new book called Mister B Gone which is really interesting. If you want to know what else I've read, there's a really cool site called Library Thing where you can share opinions on books, swap them, and even sign up to read and review new releases before anyone else. Check it out, join it, and add me as a friend. I love hearing about good books.
I've also rediscovered my love for Alaska by rewatching Northern Exposure. Maybe I should move there. I don't know that this time of year would be a good time, but maybe this spring...who knows.
I really need to focus on the positive and remember to laugh more. So send me some good vibes if you get a chance. I also need to get off my ass and start making some cards for the holidays. So if you're on my mailing list and the card is late, it's because I've been lazy. Hopefully that will change.

WHAT HAPPENED IN 1966...

I was talking to a friend recently who told me about things that had happened the year he was born. It got me wondering about the year I was born, so I googled it. Thank you, All Mighty Internet! Here are some highlights of that all-important year in history:

• 01/07: Operation Crimp begins in Vietnam.
• 01/12: Batman the tv series debuts.
• 03/04: John Lennon makes the statement, "We (the Beatles) are more popular than Jesus."
• 04/30: Anton LaVey founds the Church of Satan.
• 05/16: Cultural Revolution is started by Mao Zedong and the Communist Party in China.
• 06/13: Supreme Court rules in Miranda v. Arizona that police must inform suspects of their rights before questioning.
• 06/27: Dark Shadows debuts on ABC.
  
• 08/23: Lunar Orbiter 1 takes the first photo of Earth.
• 09/13: THE most important day of the year, duh!
  
• 10/06: LSD is declared illegal in the US.
• 10/22: The Supremes become the first all-female group to have a #1 selling album.
  
• 11/08: Edward Brooke becomes first African-American elected to US Senate.
• 11/30: Barbados becomes independent.
• 12/16: Mao's Little Red Book is published in Beijing.
  
• 12/26/66: First Kwanzaa is celebrated.

I also know of one more thing that happened that year. My mom told me that the doctor was worried that he would miss the premiere of the new show, The Girl From U.N.C.L.E., if her labor took too long. Luckily, I was in a hurry to arrive. Seems like I've always been considerate.
If you're interested in finding out what happened the year you were born, I found the info at Spiritus-Temporis.com. Check it out. It's a cool site.

• One's first step in wisdom is to question everything - and one's last is to come to terms with everything. George C. Lichtenberg
• Art will remain the most astonishing activity of mankind born out of struggle between wisdom and madness, between dream and reality in our mind. Magdalena Abakanowicz
• The dissenter is every human being at those moments of his life when he resigns momentarily from the herd and thinks for himself. Archibald MacLeish
• To hell with reality! I want to die in music, not in reason or in prose. People don't deserve the restraint we show by not going into delirium in front of them. To hell with them! Louis-Ferdinand Celine
• First say to yourself what you would be; and then do what you have to do. Epictetus
  

SITTING OUTSIDE THE CIRCLE AND THROWING ROCKS

That is a quote Don Henley made in an article in Rocky Mountain News when asked about people who criticize the Eagles for exclusively selling their new album at Wal-Mart. I have been looking for some way to contact the band to tell them what I think. And what the majority of customers think that have come to my store looking to buy it. We all think it sucks! Some of them have even said that they will wait until it is released elsewhere rather than step foot in one of those stores. I love those customers! He made the comment that the only people who are griping are those who don't like the Eagles. Well guess what Don, I did like the band. DID! He says they were approached by Wal-Mart and decided that it was the best way to "get the most cds out there to the most people..." I know this is all business, but you can choose who you're going to get in bed with on these things. Do you really want to willingly lie down with someone who is so deceptive, dishonest, and disgusting? Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that they should take a stand on every issue out there. But come on...Wal-Mart? Who wants to be attached to that company. Oh, but I forgot. According to Mr. Henley, "they're mounting a serious effort to do something about (their track record)." Sure Don, can you be more specific on that? Here's a challenge. Please, anyone, verify what he's saying is true. Tell me what Wal-Mart is doing. I'd love to know. In the mean time, so long Eagles. I'll be listening to you again, if you ever find your collective balls!

CITY OF THE SILENT...

For as long as I can remember, I have loved cemeteries. We had several cool ones in my home town and I even did some rubbings. I can't explain where the interest came from, perhaps my mother, but I tend to seek out the quiet and calm amongst the idols of the dead. When I was still in MI I bought this book. It explains the iconography of headstones. I never realized that every flower, vine, celestial image, and group of letters represents something. Obviously, most cemetery symbolism has religious meaning, but it has been fascinating to learn why. The book contains numerous beautiful photographs as examples. When I moved to NorCal I realized that several photos came from Colma, a city just south of San Francisco. I promised myself I would go.
I finally fulfilled that promise a few weeks ago. Before I left, I did a little research to find maps and such. Come to find out Colma, California has more deceased residents than living. That is why it is also known by the title of this blog. Colma is largely just cemeteries. As San Fransisco grew, the 'smart' people realized that they needed that valued land for more important things like shopping malls and condos, thus they moved the bodies of thousands of people into mass graves. Not everyone was just dumped there, though. There are many famous people buried in Colma: William Randolph Hearst, Wyatt Earp, the Emperor of America, and Joe DiMaggio are just a few. I saw all but the last one.
The quote from the previous blog came from the headstone pictured there. It was written on the back. I read it and felt compelled to share it. The headstone is just one of many beautiful stones and statues I saw there. There is a more detailed picture of the dog and turtle on that headstone as well as several pictures at this site. Check them out and tell me what you think.
I am definitely going back sometime soon. There are many more beautiful things to see there.

IF MY PLACE IS A ROCKIN'

it must be an earthquake! Yep, it only took 14 months to have one. The news said it was a 5.6. Not bad, at least not enough to knock anything over. This is the second one I've experienced and it was more intense for a couple reasons. First, it was stronger, but more importantly, this time I was inside. My roommate had just gone into the kitchen when it started. I immediately got up and started to go towards the front door. I'm not sure why, but she began reassuring me that it was ok. I appreciated that. It's interesting. I was definitely scared, but I also experienced a strong rush of adrenalin. My heart raced, my hands were shaking, and I was even disappointed when it ended. It was very similar to how I feel after a roller coaster ride. I'm not saying I want a stronger one. Nope, 5.6 was just right. Now if it would just last longer, like a roller coaster.
I would write more, but I can only type w/ one hand right now. I've started getting ready for Halloween tomorrow. I hope my costume turns out the way I want. I'll post pics soon.

AN HOMAGE TO DEVOTION

I will explain this quote and where it came from in my next blog. Needless to say, I love it and will try to find the book it came from.

NOW I MUST REALLY CLOSE MY STORY,
GOOD-BYE TO THE BOYS AND GIRLS WHO
MAY HAVE READ IT; AND IF IT NOT WRONG
FOR A DOG TO SAY IT, I SHOULD LIKE TO
ADD, "GOD BLESS YOU ALL." IF IN MY
FEEBLE WAY I HAVE BEEN ABLE TO IMPRESS
YOU WITH THE FACT THAT DOGS AND MANY
OTHER ANIMALS LOVE THEIR MASTERS AND
MISTRESSES, AND ONLY LIVE TO PLEASE
THEM, MY LITTLE STORY WILL NOT BE
WRITTEN IN VAIN. MY LAST WORDS ARE,
"BOYS AND GIRLS, BE KIND TO DUMB
ANIMALS NOT ONLY BECAUSE YOU WILL
LOSE NOTHING BY IT, BUT BECAUSE YOU
OUGHT TO; FOR THEY WERE PLACED ON
THE EARTH BY THE SAME KIND HAND
THAT MADE US ALL LIVING CREATURES."

From "Beautiful Joe", 1893
By Marshall Saunders

11 DAYS TIL 30

For the first time in I don't know how long, I carved a pumpkin for Halloween. I used as inspiration a vampire from 30 Days Of Night, a graphic novel whose film adaptation is finally making it to the screen on Oct. 19. I keep thinking that I should have carved more teeth, but it was all I could do to carve the ones there are. I'm quite proud of my knife skills. What do you think?

YA THINK YOU'VE SEEN IT ALL

I am always amused by what people put on the back of their cars. I think it's quite ballsy to drive around with a Bush/Cheney 2004 sticker still displayed. I always want to pull up and ask if they're still happy with that decision. I think my favorite bumper sticker lately was the one that said, "Born O.K. the first time." I'll admit I had to think about that one for a second. It's brilliance is somewhat vague which makes it all the more ingenious. Then there's the inevitable fish. You see those everywhere. I like the little fish w/ legs that's eating the fish.
Now you have to have one of those magnetic ribbons to show support for some cause. There's the yellow ones for aids, the pink ones for breast cancer, the red, white and blue ones for the troops. There's one for anything. If you don't believe me, check out this site. I think some of these are a joke. I don't think Rock & Roll needs support. Well....
Of all those ribbons, I still didn't see the one that I saw the other day. It was a "Soccer Mom" ribbon. I'm not kidding. Honestly, do soccer moms need support? Seems to me that there should be ribbons that say, "support victims of soccer moms." What surprised me even more was that she wasn't driving a HUGE SUV. No, just a 'little' Impala. This sticker got me thinking. Perhaps it should be required that soccer moms are identified as such. They could have flashing lights installed like ambulances. Or better still, an annoying siren that is a woman's voice screaming, "Outta my way, I'm late to my kid's match!" Maybe they should have soccer mom lanes in the areas near soccer fields. Obviously we have to start accommodating for their inability to drive safely. You would think they'd be more careful considering their cargo.

'NOTHER CHECK IN

Not much going on here in somewhat sunny NorCal. The weather has been very different lately. We actually had rain last week which was wonderful. This is the start of dry season. I must have slept through rainy season cuz I never saw it. Today is a beautiful cloudy day. Reminds me of home. I'm actually glad I'm off today.
I saw two more free movies this week. You know, the price of living may be higher here in S-valley, but I've never had the opportunity to do so many free things. The first was Dan in Real Life, starring Steve Carell and Juliette Binoche. It's the story of a widower (Carell) who meets a wonderful woman while on holiday with his family, only to find out that she is his brother's new girlfriend. This is a wonderful story written and directed by Peter Hedges who wrote About a Boy, a movie I absolutely LOVE. Remember this title because this movie should be seen.
The second was Rob Zombie's remake of the classic Halloween. Normally I am very leery of remakes, especially when the original is so good. Case in point: I will NEVER watch the remake of Psycho, even though Mr. Viggo is in it. To remake the movie exactly except in color is asinine. If Hitch had wanted it in color, he would have done it that way. But I digress, this remake was quite good. There were a couple good jumps and I was happy to hear John Carpenter's original score used. I also enjoyed the added history of Michael Myers childhood. It was a great addition that enlightened a curious audience into his psyche and why he became what he did.
In keeping with the whole serial killer theme, I just finished reading Darkly Dreaming Dexter and watching the Showtime series made from it. They tell the story of a likable (yes, VERY likable) serial killer. If you're curious as to how that is, read the book or watch the show. As usual for me, I began reading the book first. And I'm so glad I did. The series is great, but it is completely different from the book. The book shows Dexter as colder and far more separated from society; whereas, understandably, the TV Dexter is much more in touch with people around him. I have to admit, I love 'em both, for different reasons. I just got the second Dexter novel and will be devouring it, too, I'm sure.
I have made my desire to step down from my position at work official. And just in time, I hope. Another lead position will be opening up and I'm hoping they'll recognize how well I will do if they give it to me. I really do want to stay there, just not where I am now. But it isn't up to me and I'm prepared to do what I have to do to take care of myself.
I started this blog by saying nothing much was going on. I had a lot to talk about for such a lot of nothing. Guess it was more than I thought. Hope your life is full of great movies, music, and books, too.

WHAT'S UP WIT U?

Not a lot going on with me. I saw a couple free flicks this week. The first was Good Luck Chuck. Not even the fact that it was free could help this movie. The laughs are too few and far between to keep it flowing. A definite rent-only if you need to see it at all. The second was Into the Wild. Now this would have been worth a full-priced ticket to see. It is visually stunning and has a beautiful soundtrack done by Eddie Vedder. I tried to read the book several years ago, but couldn't get into it. To be honest, I find Krakauer to be very self-important and egotistical. I was talking to a friend at work and we both agreed that the story is pretty much told in the first quarter of the book. The rest is devoted to him talking about his adventure in Alaska. Again, I could be wrong. I didn't finish the book. Am thinking about attempting it again. Don't let my harsh words about the author deter you from seeing the movie. It was really good.
The next big (?) news is I finally got a myspace page. I'd post a link, but my page isn't available right now. Second day of having it and I can't access it-I'm not very impressed. We'll see what happens.
I guess the only other thing I can think to say is that I'm saddened by the passing of a great artist today. Let's all have a moment's silence for the passing of Marcel Marceau.

DIFFICULTIES

• In the middle of every difficulty lies opportunity. Albert Einstein

• Anyone who proposes to do good must not expect people to roll stones out of his way, but must accept his lot calmly if they even roll a few more upon it. Albert Schweitzer

• Love the moment. Flowers grow out of dark moments. Therefore, each moment is vital. It affects the whole. Life is a succession of such moments and to live each, is to succeed. >Corita Kent

• Affliction is more apt to suffocate the imagination than to stimulate it. >Denise Levertov

• Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired, and success achieved. Helen Keller

• To fly, we have to have resistance. Maya Lin

• December is the toughest month of the year. Others are July, January, September, Aprll, November, May, March, June, October, August, and February. Mark Twain

RANDOM THINGS...

I watched a great movie the other day. When Pan's Labyrinth didn't win the Oscar for best foreign film, I was pissed. What movie could have been better than that? Well I finally watched the one that did win, The Lives of Others, and I understand why it won. This film is amazing! I still love Pan, but everything about Lives is incredible: the acting, the script, the direction. It is a must see. But you can finish reading this blog first, if you like. An interesting note about the star, Ulrich Muhe, he was born in East Germany. I think this makes his performance in a film about the end of the Soviet control of East Berlin all the more poignant. I could go on about this film, but I'd rather you watch it and let me know what you think.
I've decided to step down from my position at work. I don't know what I'll do instead, I'm not sure how soon this will happen, but things have happened in my life that require that I do this. I hope to stay at B&N in some capacity, but it may not be possible. I may just have to become a waitress again. Oh well, whatever pays the bills.
This birthday has been difficult. More so than any so far. It's just another year, I know, but it's another year. The past year has been very busy for me. I've been to Arizona and seen things like the Grand Canyon. I went to Mexico and saw the hardships there. I went to San Diego, twice, and finally saw The zoo. I also went to Shedd's Aquarium in Chicago. I think I did more traveling in one year than I've ever done. I'm glad for that, but it does leave me wanting more. It is a shame that none of this is real. But I guess that makes things a little easier.

THE PATH CONTINUED...

So I celebrated yet another birthday. And I have to say it was a very unique trip. I decided to go to Yosemite. I haven't been in a long time and have wanted to go back since I moved. It was a very spiritual experience. The typical me would be harping on about how the whole time was ruined because I had a killer headache for a good part of it, but I don't want to listen to that me.
There is nothing more comforting than nature. That is how it has always been for me, but, as with many things, the daily grind of life often makes me forget that. Possibly the best moment of the trip was when I was suffering the most. Because my headache was almost unbearable, I decided not to go on a walk and climbed a huge rock that was across from the campsite and laid there staring at the sky while listening to relaxing music. I watched birds flying from tree to tree and saw so many planes flying overhead. They were much closer than usual, probably because the campground was at 8000 feet. I closed my eyes for a short time and when I opened them, there were more birds buzzing about. Suddenly I realized that they weren't birds at all, but bats. I'd never seen so many bats, and in daylight! It was a true mosquito buffet happening right over my head.
The next morning I awoke to more pain and frustration. The idea was brought up to just pack up and start home, but I didn't want such a trivial thing to ruin the day. So I pushed on and put the negative behind me. I made the long and often unnerving drive to Glacier Point. If you go to that link, you will see some amazing photos taken from the point. I thought I would end this blog with a photo I took which is one of my favorites. I am so glad for making the trip to Yosemite. Getting in touch with nature, rejoicing in it's beauty, seeing awe-inspiring sites is exactly what I needed. There is nothing better than mammoth, granite formations to put your life into perspective.
We are here for such a short time, geologically speaking. Look at what time can really create:

A STEP TAKEN...

Recently, I have found myself very depressed and lacking direction and focus. The realization finally hit-if anything is to change, it has to come from me. After many months, I finally went to a service at The Center for Spiritual Enlightenment. The grounds are very beautiful containing several gardens, a labyrinth for walking meditation, and a bookstore. The temple itself is so peaceful. If you look closely at the photo in this blog, you will see there appears to be a tree growing along the right wall. Yes, that is a real Australian Pine. I found myself staring at it several times throughout the sermon, finding comfort in the closeness of nature. The service included lots of good music and a time to meditate. This was the second week of a nine-week series on 'actualizing your spiritual potential' through the writings of the Bhagavad Gita. It was very interesting and I found the meditation extremely beneficial. The center welcomes all faiths, so I noticed the use of the word 'god' several times throughout; however, it wasn't too preachy and I just interpreted the word to fit within my personal spirituality. Reverend O'Brian quoted from both the bible and Ralph Waldo Emerson. I have decided that, since I know very little about Transcendentalism, I should research it further. What little I read at this Wikipedia site makes me think that I could benefit from what they have to say.
I think that I will try to attend services there more often and I may try to attend a service at the UU church in San Jose. Maybe I'm returning to my roots. I'll let you know how that works out.

YA GOTTA LOVE THE 80'S

I promise I will blog about my year in NorCal, but a friend just sent me this video and I had to pass it on. Anyone who remembers the 80's will enjoy this. And for the rest of you

• yes, we did dress like that
• yes, music was fluff like that
• and yes, the videos were that cheesy

As ashamed as I am to admit it, those were the days!

"WELCOME TO THE 21ST CENTURY"

That is the comment made to me several days ago. I have finally acquired an iPod, given to me as an early birthday present. I cannot express, in words, how much this gift means to me. I have mentioned in earlier blogs that music has always been a savior for me. I enjoy it no matter what mood I'm in and have thought many times about what a 'soundtrack' of my life would contain. Having this iPod means that I can now enjoy music no matter where I am.
Another big moment happened this past Thursday. I celebrated my first year in Cali. I have to say that I am loving it here. Sure I get the blues still and work is becoming more and more of a bitch to handle, but I have noticed that it is difficult to stay in a funk for any length of time. Let's face it, when 'partly cloudy' means there will be fog until 11am you really can't be gloomy for the rest of the day.
I will blog more about my last 360-some days in a few days. I'm busy putting some favorite pics online to link to this blog. This year has been quite a big one. Lot's places I've gone, things I've seen and learned. Will give a better retrospective later. Peace out.

YET ANOTHER GREAT MOVIE...

I can gripe all I want about how much I don't like my position at work, but the one good thing that has come of it is the discovery of amazing film making that otherwise would go unnoticed. Case in point, a rare gem I found several months ago that was featured on one of our displays. This particular display picks different films each month from the Criterion Collection. This distribution company packages both foreign and domestic films from big studio releases to independent productions, from well-known, award-winning films to the obscure, but equally excellent finds. The film I discovered is Clean, Shaven. I cannot rave about this film enough. It tells the story of Peter Winter, a newly released schizophrenic, who is searching for his daughter. The film has absolutely mesmerizing performances by relatively unknown actors. Peter Greene, who portrays Peter Winter, is best-known as Zed from Pulp Fiction. His is performance is amazing and sadly overlooked. Equally great is the actress who plays his mother, shown as an exhausted, bitter, and crushed soul having dealt with his mental illness for so long.

As wonderful as the acting is, what makes this movie so incredible is the soundtrack. The director uses no music as background. Instead, the audience is subjected to the torment that is Peter's world: voices that may be from his past, maddening buzzing from power lines, and many other sounds that are unidentifiable, yet ever present. What these unnerving noises do is open your eyes to what it may be like to suffer from insanity. What this film did for me was open my eyes to the many people I have witnessed in my everyday life who, in my perfect little world, were just plain weird and somewhat scary. I now see that their world is more terrifying than I could ever comprehend.

Before I recommend this movie, I must warn this reader. This movie does not hold back. There are several extremely disturbing scenes. If you are at all faint at heart, think hard before watching this movie. I believe this is a very important film to watch, so turn your head if you have to. I did. That's why, despite it's brutal honesty, I am telling everyone about it. This movie needs to be watched.

OMEGA

So I've been looking online for film schools and I've found a few in the area that sound interesting. But I'm thinking...is this what I want? What do I want? And should I continue to waste my time trying to find that one thing that I "want to do" when I may just be missing that beautiful sunset? Then I remembered that I had heard a song the other night and wanted to find the lyrics for it. To say it's a 'song' isn't a proper description. It's just a rant, but I thought that it was a damn good one. See what you think...

What a skeletal wreck of man this is.
Translucent flesh and feeble bones,
the kind of temple where the whores and villains try to tempt the holistic domes.
Running rampid with free thought to free form, and the free and clear.
When the matters at hand are shelled out like lint at a
laundry mat to sift and focus on the bigger, better, now.
We all have a little sin that needs venting,
virtues for the rending and laws and systems and stems are ripped
from the branches of office, do you know where your post entails?
Do you serve a purpose, or purposely serve?
When in doubt inside your atavistic allure, the value of a summer spent, and a winter earned.
For the rest of us, there is always Sunday.
The day of the week the reeks of rest, but all we do is catch our breath,
so we can wade naked in the bloody pool, and place our hand on the big, black book.
To watch the knives zigzag between our aching fingers.
A vacation is a countdown, T minus your life and
counting, time to drag your tongue across the sugar cube,
and hope you get a taste.
WHAT THE FUCK IS ALL THIS FOR?
WHAT THE HELL�S GOING ON? SHUT UP!
I can go on and on but lets move on, shall we?

Say, your me, and I�m you, and they all watch the things we do,
and like a smack of spite they threw me down the stairs,
haven�t felt like this in years.
The great magnet of malicious magnanimous refuse, let me go,
and punch me into the dead spout again.
That�s where you go when there�s no one else around,
it�s just you, and there was never anyone to begin with, now was there?
Sanctimonious pretentious dastardly bastards with their thumb on the pulse,
and a finger on the trigger.
CLASSIFIED MY ASS! THAT�S A FUCKING SECRET, AND YOU KNOW IT!
Government is another way to say better�than�you.
It�s like ice but no pick, a murder charge that won�t stick,
it�s like a whole other world where you can smell the food,
but you can�t touch the silverware.
Huh, what luck. Fascism you can vote for.
Humph, isn�t that sweet?
And we�re all gonna die some day, because that�s the American way,
and I�ve drunk too much, and said too little,
when your gaffer taped in the
middle, say a prayer, say a face, get your self together and see what�s happening.
SHUT UP! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU!
I�m sorry, I could go on and on but
their times to move on so, remember: you�re a wreck, an accident.
Forget the freak, your just nature.
Keep the gun oiled, and the temple cleaned shit snort,
and blaspheme, let the heads cool, and the engine run.
Because in the end, everything we do, is just everything we�ve done.

Stone Sour

I was going to get rid of the question marks, but I like 'em. As far as school's concerned, I don't really know yet what I'll do. I just know I'm going to watch as many sunsets I can!

A LITTLE SYMPATHY, PLEASE

I'm blogging some more song lyrics. I love lyrics that tell a story and this song is really cool.

SYMPATHY FOR THE DEVIL

Please allow me to introduce myself
I'm a man of wealth and taste
I've been around for a long long year stolen many man's soul and faith
I was around when Jesus Christ had His moment of doubt and pain
Made damn sure that Pilate washed his hands and sealed His fate

Pleased to meet you hope you guess my name
But what's puzzling you is the nature of my game

Stuck around St. Petersburg when I saw it was a time for a change
Killed the Tzar and his ministers, Anastasia screamed in vain
I rode a tank held a gen'rals rank when the blitzkriegraged and the bodies stank

Pleased to meet you hope you guess my name. Oh yeah
Ah what's puzzling you is the nature of my game. Oh yeah

I watched the glee while your kings and queens fought for
ten decades for the Gods they made
I shouted out "Who killed the Kennedy's?" when after all
it was you and me
Let me please intruduce myself I'm a man of wealth and taste
And I lay traps for troubadors who get killed before they reach Bombay

Pleased to meet you hope you guess my name. Oh yeah
But what's puzzling you is the nature of my game. Oh yeah
Pleased to meet you hope you guess my name
But what's puzzling you is the nature of my game

Just as every cop is a criminal and all the sinners, Saints
as heads is tails, just call me Lucifer 'cause I'm in need
of some restraint
So if you meet me, have some courtesy have some sympathy
and some taste
Use all your well learned politesse or I'll lay your soul to waste

Pleased to meet you hope you guess my name
But what's puzzling you is the nature of my game

The Rolling Stones