BON HIVER!

I've been re-watching one of my all-time favorite TV shows, Northern Exposure, lately. I find that I enjoy shows where I learn something. I would like to share two lessons learned.
The first has to do with the title of this blog. Bon hiver means happy winter in French. As the first snow falls, the people of Cicely, Alaska gather to watch and rejoice and wish each other a bon hiver. Unfortunately, there is no snow in San Jose; however, what we who live in NorCal get to experience that those who are bundled up for the cold don't is the constant blooming of flowers. There are still big, beautiful roses and even morning glories in the midst of what is usually considered a season of hibernation. The resilience of these flowers still amazes me. I do miss that first snowfall, but seeing tiny purple blossoms on a chilly morning is a welcome trade.
The second lesson is a more personal one. Often, on the show, there is a moral to be learned and it is usually related to an Indian legend. My favorite is the legend of the Eagle spirit.

Marilyn, a Tlingit Indian, tells this story:
The eagle wasn't always the eagle.
The eagle, before he became the eagle, was Ukatangi, the talker.
Ukatangi talked and talked. It talked so much, it heard only itself.
Not the river, not the wind, not even the wolf.
The raven came and said, "The wolf is hungry. If you stop talking, you will hear him. The wind, too.
And when you hear the wind, you will fly."
So he stopped talking.
And became it's nature, the eagle.
The eagle soared, and it's flight said all it needed to say.

I feel that I've learned a great deal over this past year, but one of the most important lessons was to try to listen more. It's interesting that, when I am quiet, people assume that there is something wrong. No, there isn't anything wrong. I'm just trying to find my wings.

a lesson revisited

It's been a while. To be honest, I haven't had much to say that wasn't really depressing. Sometimes I hate this time of year for all it's 'meaning' and shit. If you work in retail or any service profession, you will come to realize a great deal about human nature. And the true meaning of Christmas. It's all about ME. Not me, mind you. I'm talking about the majority of humankind I've come in contact with these past few days. I've had people interrupt me, time how long I can help them, and treat me like shit because I couldn't read their minds. I have one more day to be subjected to rude, impatient assholes and then I can have a break. I'm not saying that after tomorrow I won't encounter any at all. It's just amazing how 'the most wonderful time of the year' can bring out the most despicable behavior. That's why I'm grateful for my family. I feel that we get what's really important right now. We know that it isn't about the presents. Because each of us has spent time away from 'home', we understand how important sharing is. And not sharing big expensive things you may never use. I mean sharing laughter and memories and good simple times. Despite what I said in an earlier blog about my problems when I'm with them, I have had the most fun with my family and some of the best memories are from this time of year. Here are but a few of them:

• baking all the cookies and making enormously elaborate ginger bread houses with Mom
  
• trying to stay up to see if animals really do talk at midnight on Christmas
  
• waiting with my sisters until it was time to go downstairs
• waking up our parents, and then waiting for them to get up so we could open presents
• all the great food
• playing games
  
• And laughing-that's one thing my family has always been good at

I really do miss them this time of year, but I always have all those great memories if I can't be with them to make new ones. I want to thank each of them for all the good times we've had and a hope that we will have many more in the future.

AH, FLORIDA...

So I'm enjoying the news at my favorite news source, Fark, when I realize something. If you go to the sight, you'll see that every story is lead by a heading, such as 'stupid', 'interesting', 'dumbass', and so forth. I wasn't the least surprised to see that Florida is a category all it's own. If you live there as long as I have, you'll understand why.
I thought, for shits and giggles and because I really have nothing else to blog about, I'd share some of the stories. So fasten your seatbelt cuz here comes the hilarity:

• Doctor discovers man's chest pains the result of having Jesus trapped in his ribcage. Trust me, Floridians can see the image of Jesus in anything.
• One man shot, one plastic snowman decapitated after neighborly argument in... wait for it... all together now... Florida. Doesn't this time of year bring out the best in people? My favorite line in this story..."it is rumored that a snowman was decapitated."
  
• Mother shocked, SHOCKED, to find out her precious snowflake does the same things she does. With the same guy. But no where in the article does it say she's shocked that her 13 year-old daughter's screen name is SexiMarie 123.
• You've just robbed a bank. Do you A) try to run far, far away, B) hide until things have settled down, or C) stop for hair extensions and a manicure? I have nothing to say about this one. It speaks for itself.
• The winner of the ugliest house in America is in Florida... was there a doubt? It's no shock when Disney has this building for Team Disney.

You can read the actual articles by going to Fark and following the links, but why bother. The headlines leave just enough of a bad taste to steer you away. Now do you understand how, after spending 18 years in Florida, I get utterly bored with any other news?

CHANGE IS GOOD?

So my roommate of a year informed me recently that she is moving. And I'm getting a little anxious. I posted on craigslist and even had a few promising responses, but no follow through yet. I found out this morning that the room will be vacant after next weekend. My roommate will be paying for her share of this month's rent, so I don't have to really freak out...yet. I was hoping I'd hear something from the few nibbles I've had, but no. I just emailed them to update the situation, so keep your fingers crossed for me.
I have to admit, I would love to live on my own again. It just doesn't seem possible here in the valley. I've also been tossing around the idea of moving on again for a while now, but I haven't given it any serious thought as I was under the impression I would be staying a little longer. I do have some money saved up and with the deposit I would get back, I could swing it. I'm just not sure where I'd go next. I guess, with all the junk rattling in my brain, the idea of disappearing has once again become enticing. I just don't know if I really want to start all over so soon.
So here are a few quotes on change that I found that perhaps I need to absorb. I'm also open to any advice, so feel free to send it my way.

• The dogmas of the quiet past are inadequate to the stormy present. The occasion is piled high with difficulty, and we must rise with the occasion. As our case is new, so we must think anew and act anew. Abraham Lincoln

• It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power. Alan Cohen

• Life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death. Anais Nin

• It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change. Charles Darwin
  

HOW TO BE DEAD

Snow Patrol never ceases to amaze me. I love the lyrics to this song.




Please don't go crazy, if I tell you the truth
No you don't know what happened
And you never will if
You don't listen to me while I talk to the wall
This blanket is freezing, it's been out in the hall
Where you've had me for hours
Till I'm sure what I want
But darling I want the same thing that I wanted before
So sweetheart tell me what's up I won't stop no way

Please keep your hands down
And stop raising your voice
It's hardly what I'd be doing if you gave me a choice
It's a simple suggestion can you give me sometime
So just say yes or no
Why can't you shoulder the blame
Coz both my shoulders are heavy
From the weight of us both
You're a big boy now so let's not talk about growth
You've not heard a single word I have said...
Oh, my God

Please take it easy it can't all be my fault
I haven't made half the mistakes
That you've listed so far
Oh baby let me explain something
It's all down to drugs
At least I remember taking them and not a lot else
It seems I've stepped over lines
You've drawn again and again
But if the ecstacy's in the wit is definitely out
Dr. Jekyll is wrestling Hyde for my pride