WIRED FOR EDUCATION

Since I can't afford college right now, I get my smarts from Wired Magazine. They always have great articles, so I thought I'd share what I've been learning in this month's issue.

• This is not some NASA experiment. It is a new waterslide being built in the Canary Islands. I'm all for thrill rides, but this might be pushing it. At least the water will help clean all the sick out of it.
• There's a science to designing tattoo machines. I was told they are not called guns! Please forgive my ignorance.
• 96% of all edible wild fish are endangered! I'm doing my part by being a vegetarian.
• And finally, if you want to keep Big Brother from breathing down your neck, just put your life online. The guy in this article has it all figured out.

That's just a few of the many fascinating things going on out there in this big world. Thanks, Wired, for feeding my need for info!

IT'S QUOTE TIME AGAIN...

I was looking for a quote for my 360 page again and found a few more gems. I really do enjoy perusing the wise words of others, especially when one of the wisest things I get to say at work is, "the bathroom is over by the cookbooks." Oh well, we all have little gems of wisdom to share. Enjoy!

• Atheism "Few nations have been so poor as to have but one god. Gods were made so easily, and the raw material cost so little, that generally the god market was fairly glutted and heaven crammed with these phantoms." Robert Ingersoll
• Creativity "Creativity is a type of learning process where the teacher and pupil are located in the same individual." Arthur Koestler
• California "Nothing is wrong with Southern California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure." Ross MacDonald

I definitely agree with the last one. Looking forward to driving through SoCal quite a few times over the next few months. Just wish I could find a new route.

A TIMELESS TUNE

I should definitely be asleep right now, but I felt compelled to find a tune that matched my mood. The Beatles have always been able to fit the bill, so here's an oldy but a goody. It amazes me that this song is 40 years old and still relevant. Is that a good thing or a bad thing?

WITHIN YOU, WITHOUT YOU

We were talking-about the space between us all

And the people-who hide themselves behind a wall of illusion

Never glimpse the truth-then it's far too late-when they pass away.

We were talking-about the love we all could share-when we find it

To try our best to hold it there-with our love

With our love-we could save the world-if they only knew.

Try to realise it's all within yourself

No-one else can make you change

And to see you're really only very small,

And life flows within you and without you.

We were talking-about the love that's gone so cold and the people,

Who gain the world and lose their soul-

They don't know-they can't see-are you one of them?

When you've seen beyond yourself-then you may find, peace of mind,

Is waiting there-And the time will come when you see

we're all one, and life flows on within you and without you.

CH-CH-CH-CHANGES

I got one of the best compliments last night. A friend was trying to describe someone as being hyper and uptight and he said, "remember how you used to be?" The operative words being "used to be." There was a time when I would have been deaf to those words and only heard the 'hyper and uptight' part thus becoming angry thinking I'd been insulted. Instead, and this is just another way that I have grown, I was so flattered. I've known for a long time that I was too hyper and uptight. And I have spent just as long trying to become more content and relaxed about life. Any time you try to change, be it psychologically, emotionally, or physically, it helps to have an outside perspective. You can truly believe that you've improved, but often are oblivious to actions and emotions that have become 'old hat.' So for someone to randomly recognize something that I have been feeling-a sense of calm and ease about my life despite it's difficulties-was so encouraging. The fact is I'm not entirely happy with things in my life right now, but I have learned to let go of that and embrace what I do love about my life. So what's caused this change? How the Hell should I know. Maybe it's where I'm living right now. I won't lie and say I haven't felt depressed here, but it's not a lingering feeling. It is so beautiful and the pace of life is so calming here that it makes it hard to focus on the negative. I've joked to people that it feels like my ch'i is in alignment here. Maybe. The fact is...I don't really care why I feel so good. If I sat around trying to figure it out, it would waste the same amount of time as sitting around worrying about what is wrong. Here's a secret that I've picked up somewhere along the line: it's all about the moment. This moment. Right now. Make the most of this moment because it's only there once. When I have a bad moment, I let it go and focus on the now.

What other changes are happening? Well, I will be getting a tattoo in two weeks. Ok, Mom, I see the white arrows. I have thought long and hard about this and looked for something that has meaning and is unique. If I'm going to do this, I want it to be something that no one else will have. And I'm not just going to anyone. This tattoo artist is an artist in every sense of the word. Mom, if you click on that link you can see his work. I know some of it is violent, but if you look at the picture that is two spots above the black box you will understand why I'm going to him. You know what cranes mean to me. And that is a Japanese crane. But I know I don't need to explain myself to you. I have friends in their 20's and 30's who hide things from their parents for fear of what they may think. I am comforted in the knowledge that getting a tattoo or piercing or coloring my hair some funky color will never diminish my family's feelings for me. They know that it is what's inside that matters.

Nuff said about that. What else is changing? Mike has just completed his first year of teaching. Kudos to him for surviving the craziness that's high school angst. Now he is looking forward to a second year in a new place. No idea where yet, but I'm excited for him. The journey that is his life is such a wild ride. I know he will succeed no matter where he goes or what he does. I only hope that I will always be sitting in the bleachers, cheering him on.

And last, but not least, Mom is selling her house. This will be a huge change for her. She will be leaving a beautiful home in a small town to move back to big Kazoo. Change is always scary, but I know she is making the right decision and will make the next place she lives just as lovely as the last. It's not just the nice things she has, but her warm, beautiful soul that makes where she lives so cozy and comforting.

To all of us and the changes that may come our way: enjoy every moment that you can.

Namaste

WARMER CLIMATE

Tell me if i'm going crazy,
but everything you said amazed me,
seems too easy on the ear to,
be something i should adhere to.

You told me to just simply wonder,
rather than take shelter under,
and open my heart to the thought that,
life is something you're not caught at.

Too easy to get lost in progress,
i didn't see you there in that dress,
then suddenly the world seems so small,
we'd fit it all inside our front hall,
edison would spin in his grave,
to ever see the light that you gave,
don't want to take it nice and slow here,
don't want to waste a minute more dear.

The universe just vanished out of sight,
and all the stars collapsed behind the pitch black night,
and i can barely see your face infront of mine,
but it is knowing you are there that makes me fine.

Maybe its the warmer climate,
maybe i'm a smarter primate,
maybe its the beer i'm drinking,
maybe i've stopped over thinking,
baby you're the words and chapters,
the sweetness in the morning after,
you are the cry that turns to laughter,
you're the hope that ends disaster.

The universe just vanished out of sight,
and all the stars collapsed behind the pitch black night,
and i can barely see your face infront of mine,
but it is knowing you are there that makes me fine.

But the universe is just an empty space,
and all the stars can disappear without a trace,
i'm so glad that this has taken me so long,
coz its the journey that made me so strong.

Snow Patrol

I don't know if I could dedicate this song to any one person. I am fortunate to be surrounded by so many strong, beautiful souls. I don't need to name names, you know who you are!

Namaste

UNPRODUCTIVELY PRODUCTIVE

So everyone made it out of inventory alive, especially me. I did have my doubts at about 2:30 a.m. when my fever came rushing back. I had taken a hot shower before I left for work and that helped to stave it off for a while. All in all, it wasn't entirely unpleasant. Maan, the guy from rgis who was over my inventory said that it went pretty quickly-just over 4 hours. You know me (and if you don't here's a little info about me) I'm all about the hustle. Get it done and over with. Especially when I feel like crap.

I had the next day off and spent it in bed. Didn't even wake up until 2pm which is crazy for me. I guess I needed the rest. By Friday, I was still feeling pretty shitty, but I thought I should go to work. I'm always such a martyr when I'm sick. Everyone else can be sick, but not Saint Jami. She must suffer the slings and arrows of her job. She must persevere through anything thrown her way...thpppppppppppp

(that was my attempt at a blog raspberry, if you couldn't tell)

Fortunately, I have a boss who can see through my bullshit and decided I should go home and rest. So I got yesterday and today off...paid, no less! And I don't have to go back to work until Monday night. All hail Saint Jami, she rules!

So I have been taking it easy. I did run to the library after I got sent home yesterday because I had some stuff on hold that I knew I would want. I've been rewatching the X-files and just completed the fourth out of five seasons of Six Feet Under. My roommate thinks I'm a little loopy for watching this show, I guess because she thinks it's depressing, but I love it. (Or maybe she thinks I'm loopy for other reasons) Anyway, it is quite heavy at times, but it helps put things in perspective for me. I've also finished another "christmas" card-just another 8 or so to go-and started a different kind of card with kanji. Think they're going to look great. And I've been listening to Harry Potter #4. The last HP comes out this July and I always reread the others before I get the new one. This time I thought I'd listen to them, and it's been really fun. I would highly recommend it for any fan. I also started a new book. I was going to try to read Children of Men, but I couldn't get into it. My sickly mind needed something simpler. So I picked up Grab on to Me Tightly as if I Knew the Way. It's a novel set in Kalamazoo in 1992. I figure it's something I can probably wrap my brain around and so far it's pretty good.

All in all, I've been pretty damn busy for a sick girl. Makes me wonder how I would be if I got some kind of long-term illness. Hmmm?

I GOT A CODE IN BY DOSE

Ah Karma. What a sweet, beautiful bitch! It's the day of my first music inventory and I'm sick as a dog. Sniffling, hacking, fever. All that loveliness. I have to go to work at 7pm and start counting. Yes, counting. We have to pre-count everything in the music department! I'm not exactly sure why and I don't really care right now. I just want to make it through tonight so I can crash tomorrow. I'll probably be there until at least 2am. That's if I can light a fire under Tomas' ass. You have no idea how excited I am to work into the wee hours of the night with someone who is one of the biggest slackers I've ever seen.

NEWSFLASH:

May 17, 2007

Campbell, California

An employee of a large retail bookstore apparently went temporarily insane early this morning while working a late shift for inventory. Witnesses say the victim had been complaining all night about how he was only going to get 3 hours of sleep. The witnesses then reported hearing a blood-curdling scream and by the time they reached the music department where the two were working, a co-worker had taped the victim's mouth shut and then taped him to a cardboard display of Michael Buble and placed him in the entrance where the motion detector door chime kept going off everytime he struggled. She was yelling, "how are you going to get 3 hours now?"

One witness whose identity was not given stated, "he kind of brought it on himself, I think. She kept asking him to be quiet and he wouldn't shut up. We could hear him out on the bookfloor, too. He was getting very annoying." Another witness claimed that he would have done worse if the victim had continued. Allegedly, the victim has a reputation of being overly talkative and "just your average slacker."

No charges were filed as it was revealed that the assaulter had a cold in her nose.

DELICIOUS AMBIGUITY

I spent time yesterday searching online for a new job. I don't hate the job I have, but I often feel that I should be doing something else, something that influences people, inspires them, something that can change the world. So let's look at that statement-change the world. The first thing you have to do is define what "the world" is. Should I honestly expect that my actions will effect some person in New Delhi or Paris or Knoxville for that matter? And if I do, how will I know that I was successful? I don't know anyone in any of those places. I think your world is any place where there is someone whom you know personally. Why? Because if you set the lofty goal of changing the world and envision that world as being the entire globe, you will inevitably be disappointed. How can you know that your actions have truly effected that person in New Delhi or Paris or Knoxville. Does that mean that we shouldn't be concerned with any of those people. Absolutely not! If donating time or money to charities makes you feel good than by all means, do it. Because that's how I think we can change the world, our own personal worlds-by doing what we can to be happy. If I'm happy I can share that with my family and friends. And they will share it with their family and friends. And so on. Until it eventually reaches New Delhi, or Paris, or Knoxville.

What happened yesterday was a brief lapse in enjoying the moment. Do I wish I had a different job? Sure, but if I focus on that and forget to enjoy life for what it is-moments, my world will become stagnant and nothing will change. I have to welcome each moment because that's all we have. The future will always be the future and my past is always growing, but now is something I may never have if I don't embrace it for everything that it is.

So right now, I'm going to go enjoy a bagel and some coffee and look at the beautiful day outside. I hope your now is just as good.

• "I wanted the perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious ambiguity." -Gilda Radner

FINDING AN OLD LOVE AGAIN

It's amazing how long you can go without something and not realize how much you've missed it. Last night I went to the theater. Sure I've been a couple times over the past few years, but that was to see A Christmas Carol-something I've seen a multitude of times. And I went to see The Lion King which was incredible. This was different because I had never seen this play, never seen the sets or the costumes, never heard anyone say any of the lines before. And it brought the excitement I used to have back to me.

I guess you could say I grew up in the theater. My mother loves the theater and acting, so me and my sisters had the pleasure of being exposed to it at a very young age. I can vaguely remember going to Milham park to see the children's outdoor theater productions during the summers. At home, I learned the lyrics to shows like Jesus Christ Superstar, 1776, Evita, and Godspell. Lyrics that I still remember most of today. I got to see productions like The Fantasticks and Twelfth Night done by local theater groups and the national tours of Best Little Whorehouse in Texas and A Chorus Line. When I was in high school, I joined choir and worked on the musicals every year. My only experience onstage was in the chorus of How To Succeed In Business Without Really Trying, a horribly dated musical, and I didn't enjoy it at all. I loved working backstage, building sets, being a stage hand, striking the set after the run was over. During our production of Carousel, I was prop master which meant I was in charge of finding needed props and keeping track of them to make sure they were returned to the prop table. And I was stage manager for the talent show my senior year which meant I was responsible for all sound and light cues and making sure everyone was ready to go on. I loved it. I felt that I was really part of a magical experience. Sure it was just high school, but the theater has always had that same wonderful feeling that the movies have had. For the length of time you are there you are transported to a new place, leaving all your problems behind. After I graduated high school and left first for college and then to Florida, my theater exposure was reduced to next to nothing. I did, however, have the pleasure of seeing my mother act in a play before I moved. Please don't ask me what the title was or what it was about because I don't remember. All I remember is watching this incredibly wicked woman doing wretched things who somewhat resembled my mom. I guess I was mesmerized.

So last night I went to see Rabbit Hole. It won the Pulitzer Prize for drama this year. Everything was incredible, the acting, the sets, the directing. You would have never thought they were only in previews. As far as I could tell, last night went off without one hitch. Although the subject matter isn't easy (the death of a child) it successfully blends humor and tenderness with just enough tension. I'm no theater critic, but this play was well worth seeing. Go see it if it comes to a theater near you. (I thought I'd mention that this was my second exposure to a 2007 Pulitzer Prize winner-I also read The Road which won for drama. Pretentious snobbery, here I come!)

So on this Mother's Day, I wanted to take a moment to share how truly wonderful my mother is. Every time I meet someone who says they've never been to a play, I look at them like they're crazy. How could anyone not include such mystery, wonder, and beauty in their lives. Let's face it, going to the theater is just plain fun.

Thank you, Mom, for sharing such a special part of yourself with me and passing down your love of the theater to me. I cherish both it and you every day.

FURTHERING MY SEARCH FOR ENLIGHTENMENT

I awoke this morning feeling a familiar lack of inspiration for the coming day. Usually, I would accept this and try to trudge through the day with a slight distaste in my mouth. Today I thought I'd be different. If I can't find it within myself, why not use the words of others to inspire me?

I have a Yahoo 360 page. It's similar to MySpace except without all the hoopla. It just tells whomever is interested a little bit about me. At the top is a line where I post quotes from movies or music. The other day I wanted to change it, but I didn't have anything to say. I found this site: Wisdom Quotes . It's a great site. If you're ever at a loss for words (believe it or not, I am sometimes) , check it out.

• ACTION "Trust only movement. Life happens at the level of events, not of words. Trust movement." Alfred Adler
• ATTITUDE "The thing always happens that you really believe in; and the belief in a thing makes it happen." Frank Lloyd Wright
• FAILURE "A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable but more useful than a life spent in doing nothing." George Bernard Shaw
• IDENTITY "First say to yourself what you would be; and then do what you have to do." Epictetus
• WISDOM "It is unwise to be too sure of one's own wisdom. It is healthy to be reminded that the strongest might weaken and the wisest might err." Mohandas K. Gandhi

Those are but a few of a multitude of quotes. I think I might blog like this every so often. If you can think of any other quotes, please feel free to share.

I'm also considering expanding my horizons in another way. I have interesting conversations with customers all the time. One such incident led me to check out The Center for Spiritual Enlightenment. They have yoga and meditation classes and Sunday service at 11. I've never been to something like this, so perhaps I should check it out. I'm off this Sunday. If for no other reason, maybe I could meet some interesting people. It's a bold move for someone as shy as I am, but in the words of Kierkegaard: "To dare is to lose one's footing momentarily. To not dare is to lose oneself."

WHAT IS THE ANSWER?

I just received an e-mail from a friend. It's asking me not to get gas on May 15th. Apparently people are upset about paying $3+ per gallon for gas. The idea is that if everyone who gets this e-mail doesn't get gas for one day, we'll put a hurting on the 'Middle Eastern Oil companies' to the tune of over $2 billion.

I got a couple of beefs with this idea. The first is the obvious. It's not the oil companies overseas that I care about-it's a certain man who lives in a certain colored house on the east coast who I want to be effected by this action. Him and all his 'good ole boy' friends. Yes OPEC has us by the nose, but I don't see the government griping too much. Three guesses as to why that is.

My second problem is the whole idea of just doing this one day. Why not every day? How about this: on May 15th everyone who drives vehicles that get less than 20 miles to the gallon trade in their vehicles for more fuel efficient cars. If we can neglect big oil of $2 billion dollars a day by not pumping gas, think of how much we can hurt them if we all started driving cars that can go farther than a few days without needing a fill. I filled my tank up over two weeks ago and have only gone through 1/4 of a tank. Yes, I live 3 blocks from work; however, I have been driving a lot more than I usually do. I can fill up my tank and have it last a whole month. At the rate I'm going now, it would be easy for me to only go through 1/2 a tank in a month. Think about that! An entire nation that only stops for gas every two months. Ouch!!!

I am so tired of people bitching about the price of gas as they jump into their obscenely large suv's that might average 12 mpg. Let's face it-one day isn't going to do anything. Americans need to make serious life-style changes. Walk, ride a bike, carpool, take the bus, or just stay home. If we really are upset by the quickly rising gas prices, let's prove it by changing our habits permanently-not just for a day.

By the way, that picture at the beginning is of the largest suv on the road: the Chevy Suburban. It is 18.5 feet long, over 6.5 feet wide, and gets 14 mpg in the city and 18 on the highway. B...E...A...yootiful!!!