ANOTHER ON THE LIST OF GREATS

Here I am still trying to finish the reviews of that top ten list I made back in January. After a week of reflection on being comfortable in the moment, I thought it apropos to review what I believe to be the most moving film I have seen in a very long time: The Fountain.

Where to begin. I had heard about this movie several years ago. I wasn't very eager to see it, but the hoopla around it was interesting to follow. Initially, Brad Pitt and Cate Blanchett were signed to star. At the last minute Mr. Pitt pulled out. This left the industry wondering whether the director, Darren Aronofsky, could live up to the hype surrounding him. He was one of many new young directors who had made a couple of films that were very well received. Well he stuck with it despite everyone telling him to let this movie die. This passion made me want to see it all the more.

After a long wait, I finally got my wish. And I wasn't disappointed. This film is easily described in one word-beautiful. Everything about it is incredible: the story, the acting, the cinematography. It was virtually ignored by the industry and that doesn't surprise me. The story is a little out there. It is a love story that unfolds in three time periods: 16th century Spain, present day, and the 26th century. I think where it loses it's audience is in Aronofsky's vision of the future. It is very trippy, but if you can understand what's happening, this segment brings everything full circle.

What I love the most about this movie is the message. In a nutshell, live every day to the fullest. It's something I definitely have not perfected, but it is good to have reminders like this. It comes out on dvd May 15th (the same day as Pan's Labrynth), so check it out.

IT'S A BEAUTIFUL MORNING

The sun is shining, the birds are singing and it is official: my inconsiderate downstairs neighbors are gone!!! It seems like nothing can ruin my day today. And I know this because I won't allow anything to ruin my day. Not even the fact that I have to close for the second night in a row, because I'm off tomorrow.

This week has been an exceptionally good one. It started with me being all poopy on Sunday because the plans I had made for Sunday and Monday fell through. I was sitting there doing the whole "nobody likes me, everyone hates me," thing, shoveling the worms down my throat and relishing the moment. I actually had made a vow not to see movies by myself anymore.

What the...?

This is not the Jami we know and love. Sure, I can be mopey and depressing at times, but I have always been proud of the fact that I am comfortable with myself enough to be alone. This ability began when I was quite young. Because I'm the youngest and we lived out in the country where there were no other kids my age, I had to find ways to entertain myself alone. Our dog, Maggie, became my best friend and we would play all day together. She had such patience with me, never letting on about how the other dogs were waiting for her or that there were rabbits to chase. She stayed with me all day, running around in the yard, following me on my bike, or laying with me in the ditch beside the road, hiding from cars filled with bad guys or aliens looking for us. When Maggie passed away, my mom was quick to see that I might need another 'best friend' and Kiska came into my life. By then, I was in my first year in high school and Kiska's role became confidant. We would take long walks (or sometimes drags because she was a husky and loved to pull) and I would tell her all about boy problems and how much I hated school. Don't get me wrong, I had friends. My best friend in high school is still my best friend today. But I have never been one to 'hang out' with a crowd of people. I enjoy extremely close relationships with a few people and consider everyone else to be good acquaintances.

When I moved to Florida, I was alone again. Sure I had friends, but I lived alone and after a brief period of nervousness, I grew to love the quiet moments. After a relationship that lingered 5 or 6 years longer than it should because I had grown afraid to be alone, I was living by myself again. I quickly slipped into that comfortable jacket; although, I did have moments where I sunk into self-pity for not having a 'gang' to hang with. Again, I did have friends, but now their time was taken up with family and children, whereas I had nothing to do but go see movies. And often I would go by myself. I've never had a problem with it. It's better than missing something all together.

So, why-after rambling on forever-has this week been great. Because I became reacquainted with myself. I allowed myself to enjoy moments alone and with co-workers. I didn't seek out these moments. They just happened. The photos I posted before are from a great day where I first went to a rose garden and took some pictures and sat and read for a while. I suddenly decided to go to the ocean (I love being able to do this), so I wound up sitting on a cliff, watching surfers carving paths on waves before they crashed into the rocks below. I took more pictures and read my book for a while.

I wish every week could be this easy to enjoy, but I've come to realize two things since moving out here and being on my own again.

1. There have to be difficult moments, moments where you struggle to be happy, to make the moments that are good be more appreciated. If you never feel sadness, than how do you know what joy is? The trick is not to wallow in sorrow, but welcome happiness however brief it is and no matter where it comes from.
2. No matter where I go, there is only one person I will be able to depend on 100% of the time for the rest of my life-me. If I can't be happy by myself, I will never be happy with family or friends.

O.k. Nuff said. I hope that your week has been as good as mine. And that there are many more moments of pleasant aloneness in your future, as there will be in mine.

A LOVELY DAY

Here are a few more reasons why I truly love NorCal.

NOW I KNOW MY STRENGTHS

A few blogs back I mentioned a book and survey I was supposed to take for work. Well I was a good do-bee and took the survey. I couldn't get through the book-too dry of a read. Maybe I'll read it some other time.

Anyway, the results were interesting. Not too enlightening. I agreed with everything except one, but have learned that one is true as well.

I'll list them for you, but let me explain things first. As I said, this survey comes from the book Now, Discover Your Strengths. It is written by the senior vice-pres. of the Gallup Organization (yep, the poll people) and a psychologist who state that too many people focus on their weaknesses and not on their strengths. So this survey (which you only have access to after you buy the book) works to identify your top 5 strengths and helps you become a better manager. O.k. the strengths thing interests me, but since I have decided that management is not something I like, the rest of the book is not for me. Anyway, here are my strengths. I'll tell what one I had a problem with at the end.

• INPUT-people strong in the Input theme have a craving to know more. Often they collect and archive all kinds of information.
• HARMONY-people strong in the Harmony theme look for consensus. They don't enjoy conflict; rather, they seek areas of agreement.
• INTELLECTION-people strong in the Intellection theme are characterized by their intellectual activity. They are introspective and appreciate intellectual discussions.
• CONSISTENCY-people strong in the Consistency theme are keenly aware of the need to treat people the same. They try to treat everyone in the world with consistency by setting up clear rules and adhering to them.
• RESPONSIBILITY-people strong in the Responsibility theme take psychological ownership of what they say they will do. They are committed to stable values such as honesty and loyalty.

So what one did I have a problem with? Harmony. I didn't see it at first. It wasn't until my mom explained why this describes me that I accepted it. Other than that, I think they've hit the nail on the head. What do you think?

THE TREE

Walking along a path one day

I came upon an old tree.

It's branches stretched far.

I began to climb it

Wondering what beautiful view

Welcomed it every breaking day.

I climbed higher and higher,

But the world around was obscured.

Hesitantly, I climbed out on a branch,

Hoping for a glimpse.

Suddenly the wind blew

And the branch creaked.

I wrapped my arms around it tight

And closed my eyes,

Hoping it would hold.

Forever I clung there,

Hoping it would hold.

And kept my eyes closed,

Hoping it would hold.

Forever the wind blew

And I clung there,

Hoping it would hold.

And then the wind stopped

And I opened my eyes.

I looked out over a beautiful world,

My anxiety eased,

And I stopped hoping it would hold.

INSOMNIAC NIGHTS

I should be asleep, but thoughts of Andy Goldsworthy keep me awake. Ever since I saw that piece in San Fran I've been craving more of his art. I still smile when I think about that crack running along the sidewalk and how I almost missed it entirely. In fact, I don't remember how I found out what it was. But it harkens back to when my mother and I watched a documentary about Mr. Goldsworthy's art, Rivers and Tides. It is absolutely fascinating to watch this man meticulously build works of art and then see them slowly disintegrate back to nature. I remember laughing several times at the complexity of making what looks so simple in the end.

So I decided to search the net for more images and found this site. Again, I am amazed. I love the 'titles' of the pieces like "poppy petals wrapped around splintered wood held with water." I also found a book called Midsummer Snowballs which documents how, in the middle of the night on June 21, 2000, Mr. Goldsworthy and several assistants managed to leave 13 1-ton snowballs all over the financial district in London. What a joy it would be to see that! It apparently took as long as 6 days for them to melt.

So I will try to go to sleep now with visions of moss covered branches and balanced sticks in my head. Thank you, Mr. Goldsworthy, wherever you are.

GEORGE ORWELL WOULD BE PROUD

I realized that I promised a review of Children of Men months ago and never followed through. Well, I just watched it again and my love of this movie has been strengthened. If I were a professor teaching film, I would use this film as an example of excellence. This is an amazing movie on so many levels. The acting is top-notch. The cinematography is beautiful. The script is captivating. What else can I say?

The story takes place in a future where women are sterile, but that is not the focus. It is not about why this has happened. It is presented in a near mockumentary style with the camera placed right in the middle of the action. This along with the lack of soundtrack puts the viewer in the middle of what is going on. The director makes you believe that this is real and that you are witnessing it as it happens. Within the first 5 or so minutes, there is such a huge shock that I was hooked. Everything about this film is perfect. It is based on a novel by P D James whom I knew as an author of mysteries. I will definitely be reading this book and may try some others by her.

In keeping with bleak pseudo-future films is another from my top 10 list: V for Vendetta. It also takes place in an England plagued by dire circumstances. But where Children of Men is minimalist in it's presentation, V is grandiose. It centers around a young woman (played by the ever-beautiful and bald Natalie Portman) who is reluctantly thrust into the fight against a totalitarian regime. There is no missing the premonitory nature of this film. It reeks with it. I must admit it made me wonder what would happen if anarchists were to overthrow a government. I stated a few years back on this blog that I don't think anarchy could ever succeed. I still believe this. The fact is that some people are natural leaders and others are followers. While deposing a government is possible and perhaps necessary (are ya listening Mr. Bush?), I find it very unlikely that a society without government or laws could be viable. The fact is humans are pack animals and we require an alpha to survive. So are you an alpha or a beta?

IT'S BEEN AWHILE...

I'm back from a much needed (and extremely enjoyable) vacation. Took lots of pics and saw many beautiful places.

I was not ready to come back. I'm beginning to think more and more that my 'promotion' at work was not the right thing for me. As I had dreaded, many things were either not done properly or done at all. I have started to read that book about strengths and am actually interested in what mine are. I don't want to say that I'm not a good manager, but I will admit that I would rather do things myself than leave it to someone else. And this time away just reaffirmed this.

I'm considering doing what my downstairs neighbors do (collect recyclables and whatever else they can find). Atleast I'd be my own boss.

Guess I'm just a little bummed with things right now. I've started listening to True Happiness. Haven't come across enlightenment yet, but I'm only on disc 2. It is very interesting so far.

But enough of that. I'll tell you a little about my trip. One of my big thrills was getting to see yet another piece of art by Andy Goldsworthy. Yep, that makes two pieces I've seen. This is remarkable because he is what could be called an enviromentalist artist. His art is made of only natural materials and most often is only temporary despite the hours and sometimes days he spends creating it. I'll include a photo of this art. What I thought was humorous is that all the piece is is a crack that runs up the sidewalk from the road and into the museum and through eight stones. There is no telling how many people step over it in a day and never pay it any mind.

Another fun time was spent at a beautiful cemetery in Red Bluff, CA. I don't know how much time I spent there, but it could have been much longer. I wish I had some paper and charcoal to do rubbings. There were some well-preserved old stones.

I'll close this blog by including a couple of pics of that 'art' and my favorite headstone at the cemetery. Hope you like them.