VENTILATION

So my blog from yesterday was very rude. Not to make excuses, but I am trying to quit smoking. I've just finished day #3 and it has not been easy. I'm trying to prepare everything at work because I'm going on a 10-day vacation, I had a big new release Tuesday (thanks to those damn dancing penguins), and I had a changeover today which means that I have to change all the display areas in the store with new stuff. On top of that, I had to be a manager today and give someone a verbal warning. It went o.k., but I'm finding out where my strengths lie really quickly. Speaking of, this is the first job I've ever had that gave me homework-yes, homework! Our district manager was at the weekly manager's meeting on Tuesday to talk to us about the company goals for the new year. One of the biggest of which is to work on store-level training. They want us to actively teach our employees how to do their job, which, if they live up to this goal, would be great because right now this company has shit for a training program. They just throw you into the water and if you don't drown, you're a keeper! Look at me. I have requested some form of training for my new position (preferably at another store with someone in my same position), I've been told I'll be going to another store for that training; however, in 2 days I'm going on vacation. I've been in this position for nearly nine weeks and nothing so far. I have learned a lot, but it's been hit or miss more than anything.

Anyway, back to the homework. The other thing they want to improve is how the management staff works as a team. One of the ways they feel we can do this is for each of us to present our strengths to the group. To do this we have been given a book, Now, Discover Your Strengths. I am familiar with this book. It is a big seller in the business section. It is supposed to help you develop your talents. We are supposed to read it over the next two weeks, take some online survey that helps identify our top 5 strengths and bring those on the 10th to share with everyone. Well damn! I'm still going to be gone. I think I am still going to do it, though. It might be helpful and interesting. It's just weird to have homework for your job. Maybe I'll post my strengths on this blog. We'll see.

I found out what the new Oprah book is today. I don't really care. I'm not a big fan of her's although she does help keep my employed. Actually, it's not so much her that I have a problem with. It's her fans. In my opinion, they are sheep. If Opray (I almost fixed this typo, but thought better of it) says it's good, it's good! I got two words for ya: James and Frey. First she loves the book. Then she doesn't care what they're saying about him, she still supports him. Then she's publicly chastising him and hanging him out to dry. I don't know about you, but I was smelling serious PR going on there. Again, I digress. Her new book is The Road. All I can say is I've read this book and don't read it because Oprah says to, read it because I say to. I'm kidding. Read this book only if you enjoy very bleak stories because that is what this is. It is very good, but it is not happy and sunny. Not that all her books are, I just am not sure if it is an 'Oprah book.' But then she's had some pretty odd choices. Both my parents thought it was hilarious that she put, not one, but three Faulkner stories on the list. I've never read him, but they both said he is not an easy read. BTW-that was her least sold selection to date. We'll see what happens with this one. All I know is that I will be able to say that I read it because it was on several top 10 lists for last year. I read it before all this inevitable hoopla. And I knew it was good before it had that little sticker on the cover.

GREAT NAME!

I've decided I couldn't have named my blog better. I got curious and checked. No one has said shit about what I have to say for nearly two months. Am I that boring? Or does what I have to say really not mean anything? It's really encouraging when I take the time to blog and for all I know, no one is reading this shit! So, I guess maybe I should use my time more wisely and just stare at the walls.

Sorry, I had a really shitty day at work. I have to be all boss-like tomorrow and write someone up and I hate it.

Wait a minute...who the Hell am I apologizing to?

CAUTION: SPOILER ALERT!

Today has been a simple day. Those are my favorite. I finally got around to hooking up my printer (and it works!), I did some pilates to help tighten my abs, butt and thighs (and they feel tight!), and I'm finally getting around to burning a cd I promised someone at least a month ago. I'm a lousy friend. But to make up for it, I thought I'd find the album artwork and print it to put in the cd case. You know, make it look like the real thing-almost. For you to get the joke that's about to come, you have to know that the album is the soundtrack to the movie Jesus Christ Superstar. I blogged recently about my fav song from it, but in case you didn't know-this is a rock/opera by Andrew Lloyd Webber and Tim Rice that follows ole JC during his last week.

Anyhoo, I'm looking for a copy of the album cover that will print decently when I find this Wikipedia page. I couldn't help but laugh. Yes, that does say "spoiler warning." Oh no! Don't read that or you might find out what happens at the end of the movie! I think, of the billions of people on the planet, most everyone knows how this show ends. I mean come on! How many religions have based their entire credos on how this flick ends. O.k. they probably don't agree that Judas was black and that Jesus was that short. Or that there was spandex and rhinestones back then. And what about those crazy afros! You know, I miss the 70s sometimes. If you don't know what I'm talking about, watch the movie. It is actually very entertaining. King Herod is the best! But I digress. My whole point is do you really think that there needs to be a spoiler alert on this movie? I know there was a whole big stink years ago about reviewers giving away too much, but I don't think I'm giving away too much when I tell you that this movie ends with a crucifixion. Ok I won't tell ya who. That will leave a little surprise.

Not much else to tell. I'll just end this rambling blog by saying I was shocked to find out that Anna Nicole Smith died from a drug overdose. Gasp! Atleast it was 'accidental.' I know I'm being a little cruel and uncaring, but I still think there's gotta be more important news out there. Didn't Britney just get out of rehab?

THEY'VE DONE IT AGAIN...

I just finished watching the final film in the trilogy done by Inarritu and Arriaga, Amores Perros, and I can honestly say I'm glad there are only three. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed it, but I don't think I could take another story like this. Before I go any further, I must say to my mother-do not watch this movie. It was everything in me to get through the first story and I know she wouldn't be able to make it.
The film is similar to the other two (21 Grams and Babel) in that it weaves together three seemingly unrelated stories. What sets all three of these movies apart is their lack of resolution. There is no happy hollywood ending here because in life there is none as well. Life in these three worlds is about struggle and pain and loss and dispair. Not very appealing, to be reminded of these realities. But I believe that you can take something from these troubles if you so desire. I don't think what either man had in mind was to change the world, make it a better place. If they did, there would be a more concrete ending. No, I feel that they tell these stories because they need to be told. It is a fact that life is full of these realities; however, it is what you take from them, how you come out in the end, that matters. And Inarritu and Arriaga remind us that although we all suffer alone, we are not the only ones who suffer. Sometimes our pain is inflicted upon others without our ever knowing it. What these films do is make you look at that stranger on the street a little differently. While you may be quietly suffering, perhaps you'll wonder "what is your struggle, brother?"

I'M A FAN OF JESUS!!!

As an atheist raised by an agnostic spiritualist, you might be surprised to learn that I was also raised with the musical Jesus Christ Superstar. Me and my fellow atheist sister know this entire whole thing by heart. And we both love it. It is incredibly powerful and the voices of Ted Neeley and Carl Anderson add further fuel to the fire. So when I found out that a friend from work was as big a fan as I am, I was excited. The best way to show you the power of it is to post the lyrics from my favorite song. This song is (obviously) sung by Jesus after the last supper and before Judas turns him in. I honestly think that he would have had these thoughts.

I only want to say,

If there is a way,

Take this cup away from me

For I don't want to taste its poison.

Feel it burn me, I have changed.

I'm not as sure, as when we started.

Then, I was inspired.

Now, I'm sad and tired.

Listen, surely I've exceeded expectations,

Tried for three years, seems like thirty.

Could you ask as much from any other man?

But if I die,

See the saga through and do the things you ask of me,

Let them hate me, hit me, hurt me, nail me to their tree.

I'd want to know, I'd want to know, My God,

I'd want to know, I'd want to know, My God,

Want to see, I'd want to see, My God,

Want to see, I'd want to see, My God,

Why I should die.

Would I be more noticed than I ever was before?

Would the things I've said and done matter any more?

I'd have to know, I'd have to know, my Lord,

Have to know, I'd have to know, my Lord,

Have to see, I'd have to see, my Lord,

Have to see, I'd have to see, my Lord,

If I die what will be my reward?

If I die what will be my reward?

Have to know, I'd have to know, my Lord,

I'd have to know, I'd have to know, my Lord,

Why should I die? Oh why should I die?

Can you show me now that I would not be killed in vain?

Show me just a little of your omnipresent brain.

Show me there's a reason for your wanting me to die.

You're far to keen and where and how, but not so hot on why.

Alright, I'll die!

Just watch me die!

See how I die!

(there is a musical interlude here and an amazing montage

in the movie of images of christ on the cross)

Then I was inspired.

Now, I'm sad and tired.

After all, I've tried for three years, seems like ninety.

Why then am I scared to finish what I started,

What you started - I didn't start it.

God, thy will is hard,

But you hold every card.

I will drink your cup of poison.

Nail me to your cross and break me,

Bleed me, beat me, Kill me. Take me, now!

Before I change my mind.

Yes, the words are powerful. But add Ted Neeley's incredible voice and it reduces this girl to tears every time. Other men have played this role, but his is the only one I will listen to. Thank you, Mom, for all the music you have given me. (And quit rubbing in that you guys are going to see Mr. Neeley!) :^)

MY HOROSCOPE FOR TODAY

I usually don't pay too much attention to horoscopes, but this one rings very true:

Don't worry if you are unsure about your purpose in life. Join the club! Most people who claim to have figured out their entire life's path are fooling themselves. You don't necessarily have to have an answer to the question 'What do you want to do with your life?' What's important is that you are open to anything -- and ready to put forth all the effort necessary to make something happen when it can.

HOORAY FOR HOLLYWOOD

I volunteered for Cinequest, the San Jose film festival, a few weeks ago. A woman at work had told me about it about two months ago. I remembered about it on March 3rd and searched thinking I had already missed it. I was happy to find out that it had just started, so I submitted a volunteer request and the next day Mary, the head of volunteers, e-mailed me for my schedule. By Thursday of that week I figured it wasn't going to happen, but she called me at work to see if I could come on Friday to work a forum. I was excited to find out that the forum was on screenwriting. The work itself was easy-just standing around telling people not to bring food and drink into the theater. Once the first part began, they let me go in and listen for a while. It was very interesting. The speaker is a professor from San Jose U. and one of the volunteers said she had taken his class and he was very good. I had to leave before the third part started and that was the one I really wanted to check out. It was an interview with Christopher McQuarrie who wrote the screenplay for The Usual Suspects. I would have loved to have been able to listen to that for a minute, but I couldn't. Before I left, Mary gave me two tickets to the closing night movie and asked if I'd be interested in working one of the after-show parties. Hell yeah! I don't think I said that, but I might have. It turns out I wasn't able to go to the movie which was too bad, but I had to be at the Voodoo lounge at 8 which meant I would have to leave the movie early. When I showed up I found out that there was nothing for me to do, so I sat around and talked to Mary and her husband and had a few beers. The party was different to say the least. This one was at a bar and the music was way too loud for everyone. There was a buffet of sorts-if you can call cookies and cole slaw a buffet. That's right, cookies and cole slaw! Perhaps this is usual eats at an after-show party. This being my first one, I really don't know.

There were two highlights to the evening. The first came when Stephen Baldwin walked in and waved at me. I nodded back knowing that he must be mistaking me. The second came with a performance by a woman who danced with a giant balloon. She is a burlesque performer, so I think you can use your imagination with that. I'll just say that she ended up inside the balloon. It was very graceful and quite entertaining. Needless to say, after that my night was over. Can't do much to top that.

I came back the next day to help clean up and got some posters and a couple of free magazines out of the deal. All in all, I had fun. I got to talk to several interesting people and Mary said she would definitely call me next year. My only regret is that I didn't get to see any of the movies. There were several I would have liked to have seen. Next year I will set aside some time so I can help out more and catch a few flicks.

After this experience I decided to continue my volunteer work and signed up for the San Francisco Film Festival. I am waiting to hear more, so hopefully I'll get to help with that, too. I figure it's a great way to network and I can put it on my resume.

Hollywood, hear I come!

I'M EXHAUSTED

Thought it was time to review another movie on my top ten list from January. I finally watched Babel and there is no better way to describe how I feel. I am drained and very envious. Guillermo Arriaga has done it again. If I could learn screenwriting from anyone, it would be this man. He has the ability to weave such amazing stories. I have seen two of the three films he has done with Alejandro Inarritu (this and 21 Grams) and they have both left me feeling the same way. Each deals with the Butterfly Effect, but Babel takes it a global level. The entire film revolves around one act. An act intended as gratitude which ultimately destroys numerous lives all around the world. I don't quite know what else to say except this film needs to be watched. All I can say is I was right. This is one of the best films of 2006.

Sorry this review is so short, but I think I need to absorb it more before I can express better what it meant to me.

I SPY WITH MY LITTLE EYE...

I began my day at work as usual, trying to organize what was left from the night before. As I walked past an endcap in the music section, I noticed a tag on the floor. For those of you who don't know what I mean, people who steal cds tear the price tag off because it has a sensor under it. Before you log off and run down to the nearest store to do this, finish reading this blog.

I have to admit, I was a little excited (in a private dick sort of way) because what I knew that the thief obviously didn't is there is a camera perched right there. As soon as I had a moment, I went back to our cctv setup in the office and, sure enough, the camera has a perfect view of that area. All I had to do was scan back to when the tag wasn't on the floor and then scan ahead to when it was and then narrow down the time until...GOTCHA! So what do I do with this info now? Well, I saved an image of the 'gentleman's' face and will show it to all the other music employees. The next time he comes, we'll just make sure to find something to do everywhere that he goes.

Like I said, the rush I got was strange. I did feel like a cop investigating a crime. The difference is that I can't do much with the information. It also reminded me that I'm always on camera, which is a little unnerving when you got an itch in a weird spot. Or when really good music is playing and I start dancing around a little. There's no audio on the tape, so I'm sure I look like I'm doing the pee-pee dance.

The moral to this story, if there is one, is never pick your nose or your butt in a public place. You never know what freak is watching you.

Signed, a freak

LISTEN UP!

I may have mentioned this before, but I strongly believe in the power of music. I can't tell you how often it has saved me. I was raised on everything from the Beatles to Beethoven to Jesus Christ Superstar. Now, my new job may have some frustrations, but the one thing I've been blessed with is new music. Oddly enough, it has always been there, creating a soundtrack to my life. The difference is now I'm selling it which means I have to atleast know the name of the artist playing. Often our in-store plays leave much to be desired, but I've been completely turned on to three new cds and I thought I'd pass them on to the multitudes that read this blog.

The first is a first cd by Tyrone Wells. This man's voice is like butter. Yes, the lyrics are quite emo, but I really enjoy it.

The next album is by Blue Stone. I think the best way to describe this music is new age/electronica. If you listen to track samples at the link you get an understanding of the hypnotic music, but only a small taste of the beautiful vocals. Trust me, it only gets better.

The final album is why I'm blogging. I am completely mesmerized, addicted, captivated, spellbound, entranced...oh hell, I'm obsessed!!! So obsessed I have to share it with the world, or atleast the two or three people who read this blog. Please spread the word if you remotely agree with me on this. Oh yeah, the cd I'm talking about is Deviations Project. Remember when synthesizers first became big and someone redid Beethoven's fifth symphony? Well these two guys put that to shame. The two men are Dave Williams who plays the keyboards and synthesizer and Oliver Lewis who, well to say he plays the violin barely does it justice. One tidbit that might give you a hint to his abilities is that he is known for playing "The Flight of the Bumblebee" faster than any other violinist. But it's not the speed, it's the emotion I feel in every note he plays. He began his career at the age of 12, so he has had plenty of time to perfect it. What makes this cd incredible is the marriage of his amazing talent and Mr. William's wonderfully unique interpretation of a wide variety of musical pieces. They cover everything from Tchaikovsky's Swan Lake to Bizet's Carmen to John William's heart wrenching theme from Schindler's List. If you are like me and love the violin, you have to give this album a listen and I hope that you will fall hopelessly, madly, completely for this. The high notes that Mr. Lewis hits in "Tootin' Carmen" break my heart every time! I want everyone to support this album because I need more, more, more! And, of course, I've been listening to it the entire time I've been writing this.

I'd love to hear your opinions of these cds and feel free to give me some recommendations.

My new God:

Oh yeah, did I mention he's hot, too? In my defense, I fell in love with him before I saw his pic. This is just icing on the cake. ;^)

A LITTLE CABIN IN THE WOODS

Yep, that's what I need. So I live in an old apartment building: single-paned windows, thin walls and floors. The windows allow heat to escape and cold to come in. And the walls and floors allow every noise made in other aparments to be heard. Now I did grow up in the country, so I think that makes me somewhat sensitive to loud noises; however, that was some time ago. I have lived in my share of apartments. The last one found me living under elephants-wait, that's cruel to say. I think elephants would be more considerate. I know they would be more considerate than my current down-stairs neighbors. They are so loud. And the sad thing is that they usually are only talking. Talking and laughing loudly until the early morning, if they stop at all. A few weeks ago I finally went down to ask them to keep it down. I didn't think the request was too demanding since it was 4a.m. It fell on deaf ears. They didn't keep it down at all. In fact, I think they bumped it up a few notches. Ok, whatever. Now I fall asleep with my headphones on. This morning they woke me at 6:20, laughing and talking in the normal loud voices. I really don't know what to do. I hate to keep pushing the whole thing. Especially since they don't seem to give a shit. So I've decided to buy a fan tomorrow and perhaps that will block some of the noise.

The whole problem makes me wonder why people can't be nicer to their neighbors. They may regret it if "the Big One" ever hits. Imagine, there they are buried under my apartment. Do you think they'll realize then that they should have been more considerate to their neighbors? Karma, she can be a bitch!

MORE GRAVE FASCINATIONS

Here is the second (and shorter) poem that was written on that tombstone. I will give the information I know about it, which is very little. The woman's name (I assume both poems are for her) is Grace Giselman Daniels. Her husband's name is Cabot Daniels. I am assuming that he wrote these for her, but I'm not sure. I would like to find out because I would like to read anything else written by this poet.

UNTITLED

I throw the rose on her, the fairest I know,-

In useless words! These verses are her rose,

Forever dumb and soundless to her now,

Where she lies deaf in death's defaced repose.

She will not know that I threw on her grave

This word made rose: she will not feel it fall.

She will not see I plowed the stone and gave

her name and heart their due, till time plow all.

Ye must I do it, and must she forgive

If I fall short, knowing my mortal want.

Yet,-If forgive? Why, then,-then, must she live,

To hear! -Ah me! I know not! May I vaunt

My soul so far: Perforce, I must prefer

This rose, so dark with death, so bright with her.

Beyond a certain point words cannot go:

And with the sun, or lustrous brush, to trace.

With any pigment purchased here below.

Her unrepeatable, unsistered face

Were blind unanswered toil: -But if a flower

Grew like a heart, of that conceive it made.

Those high-piled locks Titania gave in dower

For beauty's roof, her curving brows to shade.

Will look on me no.

A GRAVE FASCINATION

For as long as I can remember, I have loved cemeteries. I go for quiet reflection and to refocus my mind. I like to look at the gravestones and have recently started to learn about the symbolism of the images that are used. Recently, I was in a cemetery and found a stone with two poems. I have tried to learn more about who wrote them, but am unable to find out anything. So I have decided to share them in the hope that the minions who might read this blog can enlighten me. This is the longer of the two, but it is my favorite. I will post the shorter one on a later date.

BRIGHT VEINS

In vain, in vain, against the door of death

I raise my hand and strike: in vain, in vain.

No answer comes, no least remorse of breath,

No whisper, "It is I: I see thy pain."

Canst thou look back? Canst thy behold my tears,

The watercourse of sorrow down my cheek?

Are they as nothing, all those linked years?

Is death so strong? Is love, is love, so weak?

O, if it be, if death of love be lord,

The starry universe is worth no more

Than is a pinch of sawdust! What reward

to multiply the sun sextillion score?

If thy soul murdered with body lie,

Eternal wrong rules in the arching sky.

That luminous blood which coursed the world's

While she did live, is quenched and in its place

An inky flood, a fluid darkness stains

The earth and sea, and daunts the sun's sweet face.

Thy case is cureless, cureless is thy wound,

Save by the means that made it, save by the grace.

Dream not tomorrow will be brighter nooned:

This dark is come to stay: That moment gave

Thy death wound, too: thy fault is to be here,

Wandering upon a shore whence light is gone,

Which counts no beacon by which thou canst steer,

And where it boots thee not to pray for dawn

Cease, then, to plead, -cease, then, to weep and rave:

If tears could bring her back, there were no grave.

How do I thus endure to go about

The common street, my side empty of the

Aching I seek, in the aching world without,

That imaged ache, the phantom that is she.

Strain not that spark of madness 'twixt thy hands

that round some corner some day she may wait.

The book of death is bound with iron bands,

Thou canst not open it and change thy fate.

She's dead, she's gone, she has esaped from me!

I had not time to tell her lips goodbye.

She groaned, and sank into eternity,

And I but live because I fear to die.

One place I still may look for pain to cease:

One thing the grave can give, and that is peace.

THE LAW OF GULLIBILITY

By working in a book store, I am fortunate to know what some of the new fads are before most people. Several months ago, the buzz started about a book called The Secret. The demand quickly grew and we couldn't keep the book in the store. I'll be honest, I didn't really have more than a casual interest in what this was all about. I see so many 'self-help' book fads come and go that I can't keep up with them. Soon, the furvor spread to requests for the dvd. We learned that the dvd was only available for purchase at the official website.

After the 'author' was featured on Ellen, the demand grew even more. When it was announced that she would be on Oprah, we were told that we would start getting the dvd. Now, I have "The Secret" dvds comin' out of...well I don't think I have to elaborate. And people are buying them up like candy (at 35 bucks a pop.) Everyone who buys them asks me if I've watched it yet. No, I say, I can't afford it. But I have to admit I was curious. Well, thank you Newsweek Magazine! I didn't have to waste a penny to find out. And I highly recommend that anyone interested should read the article as well. It is very one-sided (and not on Ms. Byrne's side), but it is very enlightening.

So, here's my question: when will our country learn that there is no such thing as a quick fix to all our problems?

Oh, and if you want the soundtrack to the dvd, I have that too.