IT'S A BEAUTIFUL MORNING

The sun is shining, the birds are singing and it is official: my inconsiderate downstairs neighbors are gone!!! It seems like nothing can ruin my day today. And I know this because I won't allow anything to ruin my day. Not even the fact that I have to close for the second night in a row, because I'm off tomorrow.

This week has been an exceptionally good one. It started with me being all poopy on Sunday because the plans I had made for Sunday and Monday fell through. I was sitting there doing the whole "nobody likes me, everyone hates me," thing, shoveling the worms down my throat and relishing the moment. I actually had made a vow not to see movies by myself anymore.

What the...?

This is not the Jami we know and love. Sure, I can be mopey and depressing at times, but I have always been proud of the fact that I am comfortable with myself enough to be alone. This ability began when I was quite young. Because I'm the youngest and we lived out in the country where there were no other kids my age, I had to find ways to entertain myself alone. Our dog, Maggie, became my best friend and we would play all day together. She had such patience with me, never letting on about how the other dogs were waiting for her or that there were rabbits to chase. She stayed with me all day, running around in the yard, following me on my bike, or laying with me in the ditch beside the road, hiding from cars filled with bad guys or aliens looking for us. When Maggie passed away, my mom was quick to see that I might need another 'best friend' and Kiska came into my life. By then, I was in my first year in high school and Kiska's role became confidant. We would take long walks (or sometimes drags because she was a husky and loved to pull) and I would tell her all about boy problems and how much I hated school. Don't get me wrong, I had friends. My best friend in high school is still my best friend today. But I have never been one to 'hang out' with a crowd of people. I enjoy extremely close relationships with a few people and consider everyone else to be good acquaintances.

When I moved to Florida, I was alone again. Sure I had friends, but I lived alone and after a brief period of nervousness, I grew to love the quiet moments. After a relationship that lingered 5 or 6 years longer than it should because I had grown afraid to be alone, I was living by myself again. I quickly slipped into that comfortable jacket; although, I did have moments where I sunk into self-pity for not having a 'gang' to hang with. Again, I did have friends, but now their time was taken up with family and children, whereas I had nothing to do but go see movies. And often I would go by myself. I've never had a problem with it. It's better than missing something all together.

So, why-after rambling on forever-has this week been great. Because I became reacquainted with myself. I allowed myself to enjoy moments alone and with co-workers. I didn't seek out these moments. They just happened. The photos I posted before are from a great day where I first went to a rose garden and took some pictures and sat and read for a while. I suddenly decided to go to the ocean (I love being able to do this), so I wound up sitting on a cliff, watching surfers carving paths on waves before they crashed into the rocks below. I took more pictures and read my book for a while.

I wish every week could be this easy to enjoy, but I've come to realize two things since moving out here and being on my own again.

1. There have to be difficult moments, moments where you struggle to be happy, to make the moments that are good be more appreciated. If you never feel sadness, than how do you know what joy is? The trick is not to wallow in sorrow, but welcome happiness however brief it is and no matter where it comes from.
2. No matter where I go, there is only one person I will be able to depend on 100% of the time for the rest of my life-me. If I can't be happy by myself, I will never be happy with family or friends.

O.k. Nuff said. I hope that your week has been as good as mine. And that there are many more moments of pleasant aloneness in your future, as there will be in mine.