Independence Day is near!

Nine months ago I moved home after years of living on my own. My mother was extremely generous and allowed me into her home without paying anything. She did everything to make me feel welcome and gave me as much space as her small house could afford. I will be eternally grateful for this; however, I have spent this time feeling more and more limited both by living with someone and by the fact that I live so far away from the friends I have. It hasn't been too bad living with my mother, but it has been a little strained at times. Imagine living at home again after being away for nearly half your life. How long do you think you could keep your sanity? I have to be honest, I don't know if it was living with my mother or just the fact that I was living with someone again. I have been completely independent for a long time. Even when I lived with my then-fiance he never supported me (a fact of which I am extremely proud.)

Initially, I moved in to get out of the massive debt I had accumulated in Florida and I have succeeded in doing that for the most part, but I was waiting to move until the debt was gone. Let's be honest, there are very few people who can say they don't owe anything. Debt is unfortunately a fact of life in the good ol' US of A. Capitalism at it's best! I suddenly remembered that I had always been able to support myself when I was in that tremendous debt, so it should be much easier now that my debt has been trimmed to a minimal amount. So I have taken the leap. Today I found myself a place to live, somewhere I can finally feel at home.

The fact is I thrive on independence. I love being alone. When I moved 1200 miles away, I immediately moved into my own place. I won't be so bold as to say that I never felt anxious or lonely, but that anxiety disappeared and I quickly learned the difference between being lonely and being alone. Feeling lonely is a hinderence. It slows you from what you want to do. It evokes words like wallowing, self-pity, and suffering. Being alone is enlightening. You can focus your energies better by being alone. You can learn so much about yourself by spending time away from other people. Not to mention the fact that you can run around the house completely naked singing and dancing and there ain't no one there to give you that inevitable "your crazy" look. That's what I'm really looking forward to.

In the end I would much rather struggle and be independent than have someone support me and feel empty.